Have you ever heard of Birchbox?  It’s a fun little company that offers a  program where you pay $10.00 a month to have a cute little brown cardboard box delivered to your door filled with makeup, perfume, nail polish and other fun deluxe cosmetic samples.  Essentially it is what cosmetic companies send to beauty editors to grab their attention and get them declaring that “This is the BEST mascara I’ve ever owned!”  or, “This new nail polish is amazing! it didn’t chip for three days!”   A friend of mine at work introduced me to this amazing phenomenon last month.  Awesome deluxe samples delivered to my door every month? For only $10.00??  For reals?  I promptly went to http://www.birchbox.com/ and filled out my questionnaire and [im]patiently waited for my November package to arrive.

My friend’s Birchbox came in a few days before mine, and she brought in her treats to show me.  I was so excited!  She ended up with the most amazing box.  An embarrassment of riches, if you will.  A stunning emerald green Zoya nail polish (perfect for holiday parties), a perfume sample of Harvey Prince eau Flirt, Supersmile Professional Whitening Toothpaste, Anastasia Beverly Hills Hydra Full Gloss in Sugar Pink, and chocolate!!  Immediately i planned to use my future Zoya nail polish for my husband’s annual office Christmas party, and was anticipating using the perfume sample quite liberally.  I patted myself on the back for making such a great investment.

Here is the awesome Birchbox my friend received:

And then my Birchbox greeted me a few days later in my mailbox.  I practically ripped it open searching for the nail polish and chocolate.  I lifted the top off of the box, and was stunned.  No nail polish.  No chocolate.  No Flirt.  No toothpaste.  In its place was the following:

Foot Salve, Face Mask, Anastasia Lip Glaze (thank God), a sample of Guerlain Shalimar, and two coasters. 

I was in a state of panic.  Where was all the fun make up??? Why on earth did I get FOOT SALVE?  and COASTERS??? really?  The biggest shock was the Shalimar.  Shalimar.  Yep, I thought they didn’t make that anymore either.  But they do.  They STILL DO. 

I came into work the next day to show my friends the absurdity of the samples I had received.  This is when reality struck- I got the MOM BOX.  When i signed up for Birchbox, I filled out my beauty survey truthfully- I am a 31-year-old caucasian female who likes classic beauty supplies, but appreciates trendy styles and is a mom to a young child.  YES.  They asked if I had children, so of course I answered in the affirmative.  So let’s take a moment to analyze the November Box. 

1.)  As far as Birchbox is concerned, because I’m a MOM, I am probably on my feet all day, and have no time for regular pedicure maintenance, so i must need the foot salve.  (when in actuality, I get regular pedis, wear flats on the weekdays and Converse All-Stars on the weekends, and my feet are quite well-maintained, thankyouverymuch).

2.)  I am too busy taking care of my family to be bothered with regular beauty care, so i must also need an intensive repair face mask.  (Correction- I probably spend too much time in front of the mirror scrutinizing every little mark and eyelash, and regularly continue to use my Lancome night cream, even post-child).

3.) Because I’m a mom, I am in charge of cleaning the house, keeping order of everything, dusting, and laundering, so you best be putting a coaster between your drink and my coffee table.  (Reality?  Husband and I finish our wine too quicky to have a ring form).

4.) The Shalimar.  I don’t even want to go there, but I will.  Do you remember Shalimar?  You may, because your GRANDMOTHER probably wore it.  I was showing a friend at work my samples, and as I pulled out the Shalimar, I said, “And smell this!  It smells like old lady!”  She took one look at it, started laughing, and said, “Oh!! My mother wears that!  And she wears it because her mother wore it!!”  I told her to take it as a gift from me. 

After all is said and done, I find it totally amusing that based on a quick survey of 7 or 8 questions, I have been pegged a Mom.  And not the fun, trendy, glitter nail polish and & 7 for all mankind jeans-wearing mom, but a Mom Mom.  If there is anything that this experience has taught me is to maintain the “me” that I was before Jake, because even though I am a mom to a cute and inquisitive little guy, I am still Marie!

Oh, and BTW, my friends and I quickly came to the conclusion that I needed to change my answers pronto so that next month I might have a shot at getting the nail polish, youngish perfume samples, and fake eyelashes.  So now I’m a 23-year-old classic beauty with no kids and an active lifestyle.