How is it having a baby changes so much in your life?

Since my little man was born I have had this weird feeling of “what if something goes wrong and I die” A FEAR of leaving him alone!  Okay I know he wouldn’t technically be alone but the fear is real nonetheless.  It seems morbid but I can not seem to shake it.   I have even begun to think about writing a will and thinking about who I would want to guide over his life if his Dad and I were to both leave this earth.

Sometimes it grips me when I am driving home from work or when I am sitting rocking him to sleep.  

– Will he know how much I utterly Love him!

– Will he grow to be a Good, Strong, Honest, Respectful, Loving man?

– Who will teach him all the things I wanted to teach him?

– Will he know all the little things he has etched on my soul since he was born – probably not.

–  Who will tell him all about me and our time we had together and relive those memories with him – through pictures and keepsakes?

– Who would keeps his Mom’s spirit alive?

I am in no way ready to go anywhere – I want to live a long life and see this wonderful little boy grow into a man and have a family of his own one day.  I want to see all the good, the bad, the funny, the sad, the joyful and triumphant things his life will bring him.   Yes, it saddens me to think about it and to even type this, but I thought if I am having these thoughts then someone else may be also.  I can’t be alone in my thinking can I?

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