People are often unsure about when they should tell others that they are expecting. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I was excited to tell everybody but I had never been through the pregnancy ordeal before and I wanted to be sure my risk for miscarriage was minimal. After my doctor confirmed the baby’s heartbeat at 9 weeks, she told me that it was probably safe to tell people but my husband was adamant that we wait until after the first trimester to share the news with everyone. I think we told some family members and close friends but we waited until 13 weeks to share the big news publicly.
The second time around, we were a little more lax and I think that most people knew that I was pregnant well before I was 12 weeks along. I was excited and I think that once that you have one baby, people generally expect that you will have another soon thereafter. I even told my boss early without hesitation. Looking back, this was an early indicator about how lax I would be with most things the second time around. As any mother of two knows, once you are trying to manage a toddler in addition to caring for a newborn, it’s just not possible to drop everything every single time your baby starts to whimper. I suspect this may have something to do with why my second daughter is so laid back although this is starting to change as she gets closer to the infamous terrible twos stage.
Currently, I am almost 15 weeks pregnant and I just recently shared the big news with my employer. I had slowly been letting the news of our newest addition leak out to friends and family because I was excited but I was dreading telling my boss. I was worried that he would be irritated that we decided to have three children and I thought he would think that women who want to have a career should not try to care for three kids. I had myself really stressed out and anxious and I kept putting it off.
To my surprise, I learned during my 13 week ultrasound that we are adding a little boy to the mix. I was beyond excited but still not excited enough to get over my fear that my boss, co-workers, and colleagues were going to think of me as some sort of baby-making machine and were not going to be able to take me seriously as an attorney.
I let one friend at work know and promised to share the news with everyone soon. Once I had finally decided that it was time to tell my boss, the timing always seemed wrong. “Today’s not the day to do it, there’s too much going on,” I would say to myself. Another week passed and I was getting more and more anxious (and my pants were getting tighter and tighter).
Finally, this past Monday morning, I walked upstairs to see my boss first thing before I even went to my desk. I said, “I have something to tell you. I am not quitting. I am not changing my schedule, but I am having another baby.”
“Congratulations!” my boss said with a smile. I quickly realized how silly I had been to be so scared to tell him. I know that I work for good people and they value family so I’m not sure where the fear came from but I sure am glad that the cat is out of the bag and what a relief that my fears were unfounded.
Although one worry has been laid to rest, my mind is now racing with new worries about life as a mom of three and I will undoubtedly spend the next 9 months worrying about how I am going to manage going back to work after my third maternity leave with 3 children who are 3 years old and under. Here’s to hoping this is nothing more than another ridiculous unfounded fear.