Ever have an ahhhh moment? Stephanie’s “This Is Me” post made me think.  Think about some of the stuff we don’t always say as moms or some of the things we think others may judge us on, so we just keep it to ourselves.  I think Stephanie’s list also got me thinking about one of my “issue” topics but before I delve into it, here are a few “This Is Me” points about my mothering the past 20 months to my wonderful son!

This is Me: Joy

  1. I still rock little man ,at twenty months, to sleep 95% of the nights – yes sometimes I think we really need a sleep routine,(we are working on it) and sometimes it is exhausting – but there are believe it or not more moments of peace and solitude with just me and him.  I look at him drifting to sleep in my arms and think I won’t get to do this forever – he is going to grow up so fast, so I try to hold onto these few moments while I can and I am grateful I’m remembering to enjoy them along the way.
  2. Potty training began and then took a back seat and well we haven‘t started it back up again – yet.
  3. I Love that I get to leave the house and little man to go to work – oh my, did I just say that out loud? – I admit it, sometimes I just need out – now that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him terribly while at work – but it’s nice to just be able to say mommy’s gotta go to work now – on some days.
  4. Little man eats way better than I do – Chobani yogurt almost every day, cottage cheese, fruits, veggies, fish, etc.
  5. While we were pregnant I had an Amnio – since I was considered (AMA) – Advance Maternal Age at the ripe old age of 34 (WTH)- I would be 35 when I delivered – I sort of think they scared me into doing it – but I don’t regret it, we found out we were 100% having a little boy and well a lot of what ifs get answered in that test – it was scary though!
  6. Majority of nights I don’t sleep a full night –  little man wakes up for a diaper change and usually only can fall back to sleep in “mommys bed” – okay I take full blame for creating that monster – but still at 4am I really don’t want to hear him cry it out – I’ve tried a few times and always cave.  But after he drifts to sleep I usually get back up with him to go place him in his crib – because it’s hard for mommy and daddy to sleep when a toddler is pushing you out of your bed.
  7. PACIFIERS which I swore we would never use are still used by our 20 month old son – and this is where my topic was taking me (Next Blog already in progress).
  8. Our son is not in daycare – my Husband is a SAHD (stay at home Dad) – I LOVE this and am  jealous it’s not me staying home with him “some days”.  I give him lots of credit for all that our son is already and for having the sanity to stay with him 24/7.
  9. I hate to admit this, occasionally I spank his little hiney or hand (once – not a beating) if he is not listening or repeatedly disobeying me.  I really do not want to be that mom, I had that mom, I do see that it doesn’t really help or show the child the right thing to do, but it’s an in the moment reaction thing that I am working on. – Time Outs are taking place of a hand or hiney spanking, now to just get my childhood experiences out of my head – never realized how hard it is to break a mold!
  10. Sometimes our clothes are piled in laundry baskets – cleaned but not always put away – I feel guilty about that, but I also feel swallowed whole by the laundry monster sometimes.  I wish my dog or cat would one day stand up and put all of it away and maybe do a load or two….hey doesn’t everybody? 🙂
  11. I wish really hard we will win the “big” Lotto one day – a $1 and a dream.
  12. Being able to be a Blogger on CTWM site feels like I have a voice as a Mom and completes something I was looking for in my life – Thank You
  13. We chose to Vaccinate on the Alternate schedule – meaning he does not get all shots at once they are spread out further, this was a concern for me too many doses at one time.
  14. I’m afraid to speak up “SOMETIMES” at the Pediatricians office.   I do wish I had Michelle’s courage on this one – because sometimes I feel like the dumb worried first time mom they may think I am.
  15. I am afraid of dying before my son grows up – really it’s a real fear (see previous post I did on it).
  16. I keep a mommy/ baby journal to let him know about the little things he does and that he will have something to look back on…hmmm I may have been slacking on that lately I need to write some things in there.
  17. I Adore my son – but a part of me wants to have a daughter also.
  18. I Love that my Husband has two other sons and that has given him the experience of not being a first time Dad and it also has come in handy when I had a parenting question or two – But, I secretly also sometimes am sad about that fact and that he might not Love all the little things with little man because he isn’t his first. (that may just be an issue in my head but I do think about it from time to time)
  19. I like that I can blame my belly fat on the baby – but I must be honest here, it wasn’t that much smaller pre baby – I really should get working on that not only for my health, yadda yadda – but because it’s taking more effort to keep up with this little fast as lightning toddler!
  20. I think about all the adventures we should be doing as a family – hiking, road trips, outings etc – but sometimes I have no desire to leave my cozy home on the weekend.  Lazy? –  Maybe.
  21. I actually miss being pregnant! Perhaps not all the sickness, but it really was the only time in my life I felt 100% comfortable in my own skin if that makes any sense.
  22. I have no “Mommy Friends” in my neighborhood / town or at my work (they are all older women).  This translates into almost no playdates for little man.  Most of my Momma friends are back in NJ.
  23. I really dislike making dinner – okay let me explain a little – I like making dinner sometimes, the chopping and stirring can be therapeutic.   I think, what I really dislike is the whole daily routine of deciding what it is we are going to eat and what ingredients are needed  etc. – On another note my husband does also join in during the week to make dinners, I just think lately we have run out of easy fast recipes we haven’t already eaten a 100 times already.
  24. I Love Coffee & Red Wine!
  25. FALL is my utmost favorite time of Year – pumpkin patches, cool days, Autumn leaves, long rides in the car with family, going to see farms, fairs, apple picking!  What could be better then New England in the Fall?
  26. I’m a natural blonde – who turned red-head a few months back (I needed a change) and just recently started the process back to being a blonde – I wasn’t to sure who that woman in my family pictures was LOL I wanted to go back to the blonde.
  27. Don’t tell anyone but,  I realllly- reallly want another baby! My husband and I both are the oldest of three siblings – I want my son to have siblings he lives with and can grow with – I really do not want him to be an only child 🙁   My Husband is not in agreement with me, he feels he is done having children – that makes me SAD.
  28. I long to be “that mom” in all the articles in magazines or on Pinterest – with the hobbies and crafts all in order, with their own crafting room and out-door oasis and with all the colorful creations filling their homes – then I look around and say that can’t be reality.
  29. I sometimes still day-dream about what my life will be like when I grow up 🙂
  30. I Love my Husband & our son more than anything I have ever Loved before in my life – and I want them to know that each day, even if I forget to show it or tell them or if mommy is in a bad mood – I still Love you guys the most! <3

This is me……

 

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