Potty Mouth

May 18, 2012 by

I have a potty mouth, a bad one. I usually sound like a sailor who drank too much and has been living at sea around a bunch of uncivilized people for years. I do not speak like this at work but most time outside of work I will drop an “F” bomb here or there and other expletives.

The weird thing is it is not in a angry fashion or even during a fight. It is just the way I talk. I have no clue where or how this came about since my parents did not swear ever in front of us, or at least not till I was old enough to realize (around 16-17) that shit was about the hit the fan. You knew something was a big deal if my parents swore.

So this is where my dilemma begins. I was playing with Maximus yesterday and I heard myself swear and realized very soon that he will start mimicking me. I do not want his first word to be “crap” or “bitch” but rather Mommy.

This got me thinking even further, that a majority of my conversations with my husband are not suitable for children, whether it is a discussion about work “That crazy asshole client….” or life “Look at my fat ass, it’s taking up the whole state” will no longer be allowed.

I will either have to change my way of speaking or not speak at all (which I am sure would make my hubby smile). I will probably have to start a swear cup or get a spanking for every bad word (Hmmm that could be good. Sorry reading Fifty Shades right now). Since it has been years in the making I am sure it will take a while.

Is “effing” a swear? Maybe I can come up with a new language instead? How did you ladies change this habit or did you just wait till your toddler was calling his poopy “crap”?

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Katie is a 30 something sales woman who is juggling caring for her son Max, daughter Mabel, her marriage and her career. Katie has her masters in Molecular Biology and loves science but she loves talking more. She’s a woman from a large family so sarcasm, sharing and self-deprecation come easy to her. Katie’s husband is her complete opposite which helps alleviate her flaws and push her strengths to the limit. She love large crowds, good drinks, and long talks…but not always in that order. She plans to explore the many lives of herself as a working mother, wife and woman. She hopes readers can relate to her blogs or at least have a chuckle at her expense.

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  • carlycorrigan

    It’s so true that once kids start talking they are like parrots! I accidentally said shit in front of Caroline and you better believe she mimicked me so fast. Luckily I thought quickly on my feet (after having a little chuckle)and corrected her saying, “No mommy said sit!” haha… Ever since then I have been much more careful about what I say around her! If you’re really worried about breaking the habit before Max starts talking I would try starting a swear jar now – everytime you swear you have to put a dollar in and that money can either go towards Max’s piggy bank or your husband can use it for whatever he wants (the latter might give you more incentive to NOT swear! lol) Good luck!

  • Mgpeak

    Haha – Holy sh*t this made me laugh! I don’t think effing counts at all. I once babysat this family who would pay each of their kids $1 when either parent swore. Also, one time I heard Mia say “bech” and that was enough for me to stop saying that word. Now I just say “B”. Hey, at least it’s teaching her the alphabet.

  • danielle625

    Oh man, I think I have met my twin! I swear like a drunk sailor too. Actually started getting the drunk sailor tattoos just to add some character. LOL JK!
    I still swear but I try to keep it away from the kids, or just tell them they can’t use “adult” language. They hear it around other adults or the younger guys at my husband’s fire house, its a part of life.
    I think it is important to share that certain words are appropriate for kids, and some are not.

  • Denise

    Oh “Sh-t” was my favorite word at one time until I was playing hide and seek with my three year old and said “I wonder if he’s hiding in the closet?”. My answer to that question was a teeny voice saying “Oh Sh-t!”. I had no idea that I said it so much until that very moment!

    I replaced it with sugar, or shinola (my 9 year old daughter now asks me if I was going to say shitake without the ake). But the alternative was to have my cute little boy running around saying “Shit” to everyone. You find words that start off the same as the swear but sound different. I replaced f—ing with frigging.

    My daughter (who is 8 years younger than my son) once got in trouble at pre-school for yelling “Fart” in the hallway! I thought it was kinda funny actually, but the teacher did not.

    Unfortunately, even if you change your habits, strangers in the stores or on the streets, etc….will not. The kids will still hear them. You just have to let them know that these are not words that children should use. “They are not nice words” I say to them.

    If you tell them that it’s not a good word but Mommy slips up sometimes, they will take great pride in informing you that “I never use that word”. Our children are quite well equipped of dealing with the fact that Mommy and Daddy are not perfect and actually thrive on being better than us as some things :-)

    Don’t worry you won’t raise a “potty mouth”. I’m sure of it!

  • Christy Gould

    Yesterday I heard my 3 1/2 (Danny) yeah old with my 1 1/2 (Claire) year old in the family room… the conversation went like this:

    Danny: Claire that is mine

    Claire: I break it


    ummm yeah. I almost died. It’s not even like he JUST heard me say this… it was in his memory from another time I am sure I said it in front of him. It’s awful and when he realized I heard him, he was scared! I mean what can we really do other then explain to them what it means, tell them it is wrong and try to set a better example… ??

    • Kate Street

      lol!! Thank you for the guffaw! 😉

  • Kate Street

    I LOVE this whole post! And sorry, I do not have any appropriate advice ~ I just like to swear.

  • Katie Schunk

    Haha! Katie you just made me laugh out loud!!!

  • Sofia

    I am also really bad at home and have a really bad potty mouth.

    The following words that can be supplemented for swear words.

    Fudge or Fudgerama
    Mother of Pearl
    Dang it

    And on a side note, a little history lesson, the F*** is actually an abbreviation for Old England, it stands for “Fornication Under Consent of King”

  • Dena

    I effing LOVE this post! I swear like a trucker most days. I actually have less problem with my kids using words to express frustration and more of a problem if they are used as an adjective towards someone else. Does that make sense? Dropping something and saying “son of a bitch” is different than telling someone “you’re a bitch,” and that is what we censor. Also words like “stupid” and “retarded,” are not allowed. I find those to be much more offensive and harmful than “shit.”

  • Mya

    My son is 2 years old and he is a parrot. He will quite literally copy anything he hears. A few months back he was giving me a hard time while trying to change his diaper, wouldn’t lay down, just general toddler craziness. Well I too have quite the potty mouth but have been doing a reasonably decent job of keeping it to a minimum while around my two kids. But that day out of total frustration I screamed “GOD DAMN IT JAIDEN! JUST LAY THE F&^% DOWN!” Thankfully he didn’t repeat my lovely F bomb but “Damn it Jaiden” was pretty much the only thing he said for an entire week! Personally, I thought it was pretty funny…. But maybe that’s just me and my potty mouth.

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