I must be schizophrenic, or maybe I just feel this way since I feel like 5 voices are running through my head on a daily basis. Every day as a working mother I am different people during the day, or I have different “compartments”. I also realize that with these different people I need to separate them to keep my sanity. Let’s examine the different “compartments” of me and see if my other working mommies feel the same.
1. “The Daughter/sister”: This is the first role I played in my life but it never changes. I love my family. They are amazing, supportive and wonderful! I have a very close relationship with them but my family is large….aka HUGE. I have my parents, three sisters and about a bazillion relatives since my father in particular comes from a huge Irish catholic family. I have like 35 immediate cousins. This role of the daughter has calmed since I have become an adult but I still call my mother every couple of days and visit as well. With how important I believe family is this makes for crazy summers, there is always some birthday, party or get together of some sort. This is not a bad thing since I actually like spending time with my family but my cleaning suffers greatly in the summer because of this.
2. “The Worker”: This came second and started when I was about 10 and got a paper route. I know have a respectable job which I love and am far from the bartender who would work till 4am and sleep in till 1:00 pm. This has also become a more complex compartment since I am now in my career and not just a job. I strive to be better and do well.
3. “The Friend”: I have some great friends who keep me sane. I work very hard to keep these relationships going since it not only keeps my sanity but I also remember wise words from my mother (who was a working mother of 4 daughters) to keep your friends up and current as you can. Women will always understand our plight more than any man will. We have been in each other shoes whether it is bitching about Aunt Flow visiting monthly, our cellulite or those damn wrinkles showing, only a woman can relate.
4. “The Wife”: This is a major one for me. My husband is imperative to my success as a career woman and mother. He is my partner and helps me, keeps me grounded and supports me. I try to appreciate him as much as I can and throw in some “sexy” time here and there too. Another great drop of wisdom from my mother who is still married after 35 years. Keep this relationship going, if you do not keep time for you two sans the kids then you will not know each other when the kids leave and be stuck with a stranger. Hence why the hubby and I are getting a babysitter tonight and getting drunk together!
5. “The Mother”: We all know this is the most demanding most fulfilling job…but man sometimes I am so happy when my little guy is sound asleep! I now apologize to my mother and father for anything I did wrong as a child. (Sorry for getting drunk and puking in the bathroom at age 18 and saying it was the stomach flu when I wreaked of peppermint schnapps.)
6. “A woman”: This always takes the back seat. After having my son, you were lucky if I took a shower or did my hair. I am a person who likes thing from Art, wine, novels, movies, and try to grow. But with all of the other compartments I fill this one sadly comes last.
With all of these compartments and roles I feel them constantly clash. The worker and Mother constantly battle and throw punches of guilt to each other. Am I working hard enough? Man I miss my little guy? Why do I not feel guilty about working? Shouldn’t I?
The Mother and Wife act like frenemies. I get excited about having a date night and some sex with my husband then the kid wakes up and ruins mommy’s concentration and orgasm.
The Friends and Daughter/Sister war has gotten easier but man the weekends are tough. Sometimes I just want to go get a drink with some girls but I have to attend another family wedding. It seems over the years they have meshed more and more and luckily this is asking to choose one fun thing over another.
The Worker, Wife, Mother, Family/Friends all smash the Woman. It is not anyone else’s fault but my own. I have been making this a priority and try to do something for myself every once in a while. I am actually planned a spa day and night and cannot wait to just relax and be pampered.
Do you ever feel schizophrenic or you have so many compartments it’s hard to separate them? How do you deal with this? Please tell me I am not the only one or else I will have to tell the voices in my head to shut the heck up while I make an appointment with a shrink.