Just like there are things you shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman (check out Sarah’s post!) there are also things you shouldn’t say to a non-pregnant woman. Just because a woman is in a committed relationship and appears to be of a child-bearing age doesn’t mean, A) she’s ready to have a baby, B) wants to have a baby at all, or C) is able to have a baby. As someone who is having problems getting pregnant, I find certain remarks and questions cringe-worthy or inconsiderate. And yes, I’m sure I’ve uttered a few of these myself at some point.
Sometimes these comments threaten to turn me into a crazy lady, but I’ve gotten used to dodging these questions and steering the conversation towards another topic. I know those who may ask these questions are loved ones who are interested in my life and happiness, so please don’t think I’ll bite your head off next time we talk. Just file this under the “things you wish you could say” category…
“Now that you’re married, when’s the baby due?”
Ugh. I got this all the time when we were first married. Usually said by the same people who, months or years before, asked, “When is he gonna put a ring on your finger?” These people mean well, but oftentimes their comments hurt more than help. Yes, the plan was to have kids ASAP after getting married. In fact, we were trying from pretty much day one of being newlyweds. But please, don’t try to rush us; that’s a lot of pressure we really don’t need right now.
“Well, you’re newlyweds, you’ve got time.”
If we didn’t get the previous comment, then we got this one from the opposite end of the spectrum. No, time is not something we have. Can you hear my clock ticking, ‘cause it’s pretty deafening from where I sit. Again, please don’t assume you know what our timetable is for planning our family.
“Don’t you want kids?”
As if I’ve considered it, but decided against the idea. Little do you know we’ve been trying desperately because we want kids more than anything else right now. Of course, maybe a couple chooses not to be parents. And that’s fine. No one should feel they have the right to question our decision, or imply that, since pregnancy hasn’t happened yet for us, that it’s not something we want. It’s none of your business, thankyouverymuch!
“I would love a grandchild/niece/nephew, hint-hint.”
Oh, the dreaded hint-hint comments. Usually from close family members, and probably (hopefully) before they are clued into your situation. Trust me, we all want the same thing here!
“Relax. You’ll get pregnant when you’re not stressed and if you stop trying so hard.”
Newsflash, the stork does not exist! Getting pregnant involves a lot of trying. Especially when you experience some fertility roadblocks, you need to try extra hard, and this time bring in some reinforcements. Although I do agree that I will be much happier if I relaxed more.
“You’re not feeling well? You must be pregnant.”
“You’re tired? You must be pregnant.”
“You’re really hungry? You must be pregnant.”
People get sick. I work a lot and I get tired. And, I love to eat.
End of story.
photo credit here