When you’re trying to have a baby, timing is everything.
Let’s be honest, there’s no perfect time to have a baby (or start a new job, a new business, move, buy a house, I could go on…) but you can certainly make plans for a time that feels right. Plus, the act of making a baby is all about timing—knowing when you’re ovulating and, if you charted like I did, taking your temperature at the same time every day, peeing on a stick at around the same time every day to see if you’re ovulating, and the agonizing two week wait if you did in fact ovulate…
These days, the idea of time is everywhere.
My clock is ticking.
I kind of hate this expression, but only because it is so true. When I was in my early to mid twenties, I really didn’t understand the expression. Babies were cute, but I was nowhere near ready. Now, well, I GET IT, loud and clear. Yup, there it is: tick tock!
Running out of time.
Yes, I often feel this way. Now that I’m in my 30’s, I can’t help but think I am quickly losing precious time when it comes to starting a family. I’m the one who wanted to go back to school (and back again), and get a jump on my career before starting a family. Besides, it’s not like I met my husband in high school or even college, and relationships take time too, right? But sometimes I find myself wondering “what if?” Don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means wishing for another life or daydreaming about another partner. But I do wonder, what if we had met sooner? What if I didn’t go back to school? What if I had chosen another career? What would be different? Would we have started a family by now? I have to stop myself before going too far down that path, and remind myself that I am still pretty young and that I wouldn’t change my life up until now for anything. But I do know that time will not stop for us on this journey of trying to get pregnant.
Time is not on my side.
Or is it? Those who know me well know that I prefer that things were done, like, yesterday, getting pregnant being no exception. As much as I wish for a family, maybe this is all playing out as it should. What if I were pregnant, or had a child already—would I have been able to pursue that promotion at work? Would I have been able to put in the long hours and early mornings I needed to give my best effort to the new position? Most likely, the answer is no. Besides, the long days and the never-ending work helped take my mind off of the long wait before our first appointment with the fertility specialist, and the waiting between the subsequent appointments and tests. On the other hand, I’d like to think I would have somehow made it work, just like any other working momma. These things I’ll know in time.
When you’re having fun? No, that’s not it. When your months are scheduled around doctor’s appointments, when you get your period and you realize another cycle has come and gone, when you see your friends’ kids grow up so quickly before your eyes. Where is the time going? I don’t know, but I do know I need to hold onto its coattails before I get left behind.
Everything in its own time.
I’ll be the first to tell you that “everything happens for a reason” or that “you get what you need.” I want to believe that getting pregnant will happen exactly when it was meant to. But, I have a hard time sitting still and waiting. Until I can invent some way to stop the clock’s ticking hands, I have to remind myself that, with fertility specialists in tow, we are doing the best we can right now to start a family.
Having a baby is only a matter of time.