Have you ever been so mad at your child that you thought you might lose it in ways once unimaginable before you had them? Screaming senselessly, using the F bomb 5 times in one sentence, slamming a door,wildly gesticulating like a mad woman, stomping across the kitchen floor so loudly that if you weren’t so pissed off you’d laugh at yourself? That was me the other morning.
Yup, I admit it I lost it over my daughter’s homework, and I’m quite certain the crazy ass mother scene I made will stay with her for some time.
However, while not excusing my lunacy, I realize that only those you love and care for the most can be the source of such intense emotions. The 2 people I love most in the world are my daughters. Do you think it would help them to know that the next time I lose my shit, it’s because I love them so much? Probably not, but maybe 15 years from now they will understand it.
In the meantime, in the aftermath of that complete and total melt down, I realize that not only am I losing it because I care and I want to control everything so they have a good and happy and full life, but also because I am not taking care of myself – not to mention kidding myself that I have that much power or control. And not taking care of myself leaves my judgment, my nerves and my level-headedness flailing somewhere behind that slammed door.
I can get it back however because I know I’m at my best when I remember to look for the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know AND ACCEPT the difference.
So, Izzy and Gillian – my sunshine and my sweetness – even when I am a raging lunatic, a psycho nut case, or an embarrassing bore, you must know it’s all part of being a Mom who loves you more than life itself.