Things are about to get real. You are about to enter the not mom jeans zone.
- I really really REALLY did not dig the newborn stage. That whole first three months of tiny, whiny, not-sleeping baby thing? Yeah. Did not enjoy those days at all. And Jake wasn’t a problem child at all- I kept on fantasizing about a remote control with a fast forward button to 6 months.
- I have a pretty carefree parenting style. I’m pretty much WHATEV about things. I think this is the number one reason why Jake was so chill as a baby, and never cried for reasons other than hunger or diaper changing. Of course you know my next baby will be his crying, colic-y alter ego, right?
- The jumperoo & Sprout television were my babysitters during my morning workouts when Jake was a baby. Look- he got his jumping fun time in, and Mommy got her 6 miles in. And they all lived happily ever after.
- TV. Yes. I use it when I walk in the door with Jake in one hand and my bag in the other. I set him up with his sippy cup of milk and goldfish crackers while I rip off my control top nylons that have already left a mark in my waistline, and make his Annie’s Mac & Cheese.
- McDonalds. When we drive by a McDonald’s Jake shouts out, “Donald! Donald!” “Fries! Fries!” OK look, I’m going to level with you here. I’ve always had a love affair with McDonald’s happy meals. I credit my passage of the Connecticut Bar Exam thanks to the hours spent studying at my McDonald’s with large coffees and grilled chicken caesar salads with a side of a small fry. Every now and then (probably twice a month), I will take the boy through the McDonald’s drive through and order him a Cheeseburger Happy Meal. He eats it in two sittings- legit- so between that and the toy he gets, everyone is happy. See #3… And they all lived happily ever after.
- I enjoyed every single glass of wine I drank when Jake was a baby and on formula. I was a very happy momma. Husband and I already made the decision that our next will be on formula- It worked for us, so why mess with it. And happy mommas equal happy families.
- My husband gave me a “push gift” after I had Jake. A Burberry bag. I love it, and firmly believe every single Mom deserves a push gift. If not for the excruciatingly long 9 months of swell, insomnia, big huge belly, and lack of wine, at least for the delivery!!
- I love bedtime. Not my bedtime, but JAKE’S bedtime. Bedtime=wine time, TV time, mindless facebook scrolling time, and not having to deal with anything other than my snacks and which ALF re-run or Storage Wars epi the husband and I will watch.
- Pre-Kid I made every effort to judge and make fun of parents who put their kid on a leash. Yeah, you know those body harness things that you sometimes see kids sporting at Disney World or the mall? I have begun to think about this less than a possibility, but more of a reality. For serious. How am I going to keep the kid within hand reach when he’s too big for the stroller!?!!
- I may not own mom jeans, but I might own a pair of mom shoes. And my husband thinks they’re sexy. Guys- these Dansko mary jane clogs of mine? Add at least 2 inches of hight onto this 5 foot tall girl! This is big- big big!
- I hate fighting the dinner battle with Jake. Some nights (most often Mondays) fall short of me trying to force feed him dinner. I just don’t get why this is such a battle! Every day that I pick him up from daycare I see the little report left for me- he’s eaten all of his snacks and lunch, so why the fuss with dinner??????!!!!! I swear I feel like Napoleon Dynamite trying to get Tina the llama to eat…. TINA, EAT THE FOOD! God!!
FINALLY- I loved loved loved LOVED every single minute of attention the CT Working Moms received for our Belly photo shoot. I felt like a superstar. I wore my Today Show hat every weekend during the Summer. It was the most fun this Momma has had with other Moms- like ever. I loved sleeping over in New York City, meeting Ann Curry and Natalie Morales, and doing countless TV appearances because of it. I’m getting excited all over again just thinking about it.