Some days, the TV is on more than I’d like it to be. Because I’m home with my daughter all day, she’ll typically watch about 2 hours – it’s a LONG day to fill when it’s just you and your toddler in the house! But some days the TV is on more than that. She may not always be watching it, but I do worry about it even being on in the background.
I still have one basic, black maternity tank top that I wear all the time. In my defense, it doesn’t fit like maternity at all. And I don’t have a non-maternity version, so in my closet it remains as a staple.
I should be way more cautious with my daughter than I am. For example, I let her climb the stairs by herself, without me next to her or even near the stairs. She’s perfectly capable, steady on her feet, has excellent balance, and knows how and where to hold on…but she’s still a toddler. And I’m going to feel like a total ass if she really does fall one day. And yet, I repeatedly have this thought and don’t do anything about it…
Along the same lines, we’ve only selectively baby proofed the house. The baby gate at the bottom of the stairs only lasted so long. I never added bumpers to our wood-and-metal coffee table. Cabinets are not locked. Furniture is not anchored to the wall. I need to remedy this. If I’m going to let her explore on her own, I at least need to be smart about it, dummy.
I’m pretty sure I’ve lost all sensation in my nipples from breastfeeding for so long. And I’m pretty much okay with that. And I kinda don’t want anyone touching them. For like a really long time. They just need some time to themselves for a little while, mmkay?
Oftentimes, after a couple hours of sitting on the floor with my daughter playing with the same toys over and over, I position myself strategically so I can hop on my phone and check out Facebook or Words With Friends by hiding the phone behind her back so she can’t see I’m not paying attention. Momma sometimes just needs a break.
We don’t necessarily have sweets or true junk food in the house on a regular basis, so my daughter rarely gets a treat. While this is probably better for her overall health, sometimes I feel a little guilty, like I’m not letting her be a kid.
There are days when I feel really lost when I don’t at least have an errand to do to get us out of the house. I find myself trying to dream up excuses to pile in the car just for a change of scenery.
There are days when I wonder what I’m doing with my life. Wonder why I left my job to stay home with my child. Days when I long for the freedom to do what I want, when I want.
I’d be pregnant again in a second. I loved being pregnant. We just don’t want another kid right now.
We may not want another kid, ever. But then I hear about the funny things my friends’ kids say to each other and I wonder if Nora will miss out…on all sorts of things…by not having a sibling.
I absolutely use my child as a way out of conversations in group settings. I find small talk exhausting and am grateful (in these moments, anyway!) for this stage where she can’t sit still and wants to drag me by the hand everywhere. Gee, I’m super interested in talking about this with you further, but oh look, Nora wants me to go somewhere…uh, yeah sure, let’s finish this later…
Christa never thought she looked particularly good in hats, but like any busy mom she finds herself wearing several of them these days. She stays home with her daughter, Nora full time, and is working towards a nursing degree and certification as a Breastfeeding Counselor. Christa lives in Wethersfield with her family, figuring out motherhood and life as she goes. She writes often about breastfeeding through toddlerhood and the journey to feeling validated in her mothering choices. Christa would like to be a character in an Amy Sherman Palladino sitcom when she grows up.
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