KatieDisclaimer: I love my son, husband and myself.

1. I love babies, but am not a fan of the toddler years. My son drives me nuts and I hate that he can’t reason. So as much as I want time to stop, I also want it to hurry up so I can understand what he is pointing at.

2. I HATE, HATE, HATE being pregnant! Between the puking, bloating, not being able to drink, sleep or eat sushi (in excess) it feels more like punishment than a beautiful experience.

Pregnancy can suck it

Pregnancy can suck it

3. I have hemorrhoids and they make me feel disgusting. I am actually meeting with a doctor to have them removed because I am so grossed out. (refer back to #2)

4. I always thought my son would get his first real cut under the care of his father, but lo and behold it was with me. Stocking holder came right down on his noggin as I looked away for a minute.

5. I sometimes lie on my back naked to see what my boobs used to look like before breastfeeding. They used to be perky and cute, now they look more like two poached eggs nailed to a board.

My Boobs = Soggy Eggs

My Boobs = Soggy Eggs

6. I breastfed for almost ten months. While I understand how healthy it is for my child, it was my vanity (I lost 15 lbs doing nothing) and my cheapness (formula is so damn expensive!) that kept me going.

7. I always thought I would have a daughter (I still hope to) because I am so close with my mother in my older age. I know people tell me that my son could be that close to me when he is older, but all I think is: A man calling his mother every other day is a “mama’s boy.”

Momms' Boy is creepy

Momms’ Boy is creepy

8. I have at least a glass of wine every night.

9. I one time heard buzzing and thought my son was playing with my electric toothbrush….NOPE, he found my (clean) vibrator and I did not take it away since it kept him quiet and entertained for 20 mins.

The latest toddler toy

The latest toddler toy

10. I hope my kids inherit my husband’s amazing metabolism. I know looks are not everything but let’s be honest who doesn’t want to be able to eat anything and not gain weight?

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