You guys, my daughter is outsmarting me. And she is only three and a half. The things she comes out with… leave me speechless sometimes. If you know me at all, you know that is saying something.
Here are a few tidbits from the mind of Miss Olivia…
Olivia [stretching her back at breakfast]: Oh, my side!
Me: Your side?
Olivia: No. My SPINE. You know, the bones in your back that help you stand?
Me: Olivia, it’s time for bed.
Olivia: I want to play forever!
Me: I understand, but it’s time for us to head up and read books.
Olivia: I am going to put Daddy and Audrey and you in this tiny school bus and then nobody can EVER put me to bed NEVER again HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Olivia: [ignoring him]
Tom: Olivia, I have to ask you something. Olivia!
Olivia [singing]: Daaaadddyyyy, I’m not trying to heeeear any queeeestions right nooooooow.
Me: Liv, let’s clean up these toys.
Olivia: What?! I give up. I’m running away.
Me: You are? Where are you going?
Olivia: It’s a MYSTERY.
Olivia (from down the hall): Moooom? Can Audrey has a pillow race with me?
Me: A what?
Olivia: (big sigh) A race. On pillows.
Olivia (to Audrey): Yeah! OK, baby. Let’s DO THIS THING!
Olivia, serenading her sister: Audreeeey Beaaaanie, she’s a young girl, she’s a young girl on the towwwwwn! She’s wearing bear slippers, she’s the best baby on the towwwwwwn!
Olivia: Oh, Mommy. I am so hungry. For food. Or cookies.
Me: How about some pizza?!
Olivia: I’m not big enough to like pizza YET.
Me: Of course. What about a cheeseburger?
Olivia, giggling: Those are ALSO for grown ups.
Me: Oh! Maybe some salad?
Olivia, horrified: Are you KIDDING ME?!
[On New Year’s Eve]
Olivia: Let’s have a snack.
Me: We have to clean up this room first.
Olivia: It’s a HOLIDAY. Let’s EAT.
Me: Liv, time to get dressed.
Olivia: It’s not a school day!
Me: That’s right, but we have to go to the grocery store before it snows.
Olivia: Oh, brother.
Olivia: Mommy, can I drive your car now?
Me: What?! No!
Olivia: Oh, come on. A quick drive.
Me: OK, we’re going to finish up your bath, so only five more minutes to play!
Olivia: What about 25 minutes?
Me: That’s much longer than five.
Olivia: I KNOW.
Olivia [in Audrey’s face]: BABY! Why are you always takin my stuff? I AM BIGGER THAN YOU.
Me (crying, smothering Liv with a million hugs and kisses): Monkey, I love you so much.
Olivia: OK, now get off me, I’m trying to draw a worm.
Olivia: Daddy gave me a present to help me find my way.
Me: What is it?
Olivia: It’s a way finder.
Me: You mean a compass?
Olivia: That’s what I said.
Olivia [in the car on the loooong drive to her preschool]: Oh, MAN, this is a lot of traffic.
Me: Yes, I’m sorry.
Olivia: Tomorrow let’s take a hot air balloon. But Audrey will need her carseat. BUCKLE UP FOR SAFETY, REMEMBER?!
Olivia: Mommy, I has some good news and some bad news. The bad news is Audrey is eating puzzle pieces. And when she’s done? She will puke.
Me: Yikes. What’s the good news?
Olivia: She is quiet.
Yeah. I think we’re in for it with this one.