These days, it seems every decision I make centers around our hypothetical, unborn, not-yet conceived children.

The house we’re looking to buy:  How many bedrooms does it have?  What is the backyard like?  How good is the town’s school system?

Before we learned we were having trouble conceiving, I went as far as buying loose, flowy shirts that I thought would make a good transition between regular clothes and maternity wear.

Hey, this will look cute now, and later!

Hey, this will look cute now, and later!

I even found myself commenting to my husband the other day: you know that extra dresser in the second bedroom?  We should paint it and put new knobs on it, because it would work great for a nursery.

Adorbs.  Nothing wrong with buying these now, right?

Adorbs. Nothing wrong with buying these knobs now, right?

You know, the nursery. For the child we haven’t yet conceived, in that house we haven’t yet bought.  Am I completely delusional, or just a very good, very obsessive meticulous planner?

I haven’t gone as far as pinning ideas to a “nursery” board on Pinterest—yet; and there are now locked boards if I want to secretly give in to the obsession—when we are still many steps away from having a baby.

But is all this thinking and planning healthy or self-destructive?  I haven’t decided which.  Sometimes, it helps make me feel a little bit closer to our goal if I make decisions I know will benefit our future kids.  It helps me feel hopeful that there will, in fact, be future kids.  Other times, it seems I’m setting myself up for a letdown.  Those cute, fashionably flowy shirts I bought last Spring and Summer are taunting me from my closet, a reminder that another season may come and go before they have a chance to be worn for their original intent.

It’s tough to have a baby on the brain when the rest of your body doesn’t follow suit.  Maybe I’ll just feed into the obsession and start that Pinterest board after all…

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