Divorce. It’s just way too common.

My marriage is not perfect (there is no such thing) but on our wedding day, we made a commitment to each other that we would remain a team through good times and bad. I’ve heard the phrase, “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” When you live together you become more comfortable and, let’s face it, your true colors start shining through (and pissing off your spouse). Add kids to the mix and you’ve got the makings of a perfect storm. Marriage is hard work. I have learned (and am still learning) that it takes a lot of compassion, patience, trust, respect, patience, empathy, kindness, patience… well, you get the point. I guess you could even say that a marriage is like having another child because it sure does require a lot of energy and nurturing.

I have to say that I find it troubling that nearly half of all marriages in this country end in divorce. It is my opinion that marriage is taken less and less seriously and that far too many people enter into it thinking “Well, if it doesn’t work out we can always just get a divorce.” Do I think there are situations when getting a divorce is justified? Yes, of course. But there’s no way you can convince me that the divorce rate is acceptable or that every single one of those couples necessarily understood the impact their decision would have on their children.

My parents divorced when I was 8 years old. My world felt as if it was crumbling all around me. It’s no secret that it was a very difficult time in my life. One specific memory has really stuck in my mind over the years. My then 5-year-old brother was crying one night and asked me, “When’s daddy coming home?” And I had to find a gentle way of telling him that he wasn’t. That our lives were going to be different now but that it’s going to be ok. In a way, I was trying to comfort myself at the same time. I spent that year vomiting most nights before bed from nerves.

It has now been 21 years since that life changing event and I am now a wife and a mother of two young daughters. I do not look back at my childhood with disdain but as something that has helped shape me into the woman, wife, and mother I am today; someone who knows what it’s like to be a child of divorce and know that I want something different for my children. I want my girls to see first-hand what a healthy marriage looks like. It’s hard work…but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Together for 13 years. Married for (almost) 5.

Together for 13 years. Married for (almost) 5.

 

 

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