If you missed the first list of jargon and gems, check it out here.  That list was such a big hit, everyone started sending me their own examples!  Apparently I’m not the only one who has had to sit through mind-numbing meetings during which professionals act like they are getting something accomplished but really say nothing of value.  As parents, we have to be extremely literal, which is a stark contrast.  Today’s list is truly a group effort, so thanks to everyone who contributed!

  1. WORK:  It’s always the tallest blade of grass that gets cut.
  2. HOME:  No, I didn’t dream about bones OR tall pencils last night, but thanks for asking.
  3. WORK:  Let’s stand up the project.
  4. HOME:  You can’t marry yourself and you can’t marry Mama.
  5. WORK:  At first blush I wasn’t sure I would be able to take a deeper dive.
  6. HOME:  Don’t go after the cat with a marker!  Ah hell, go ahead, he’s a black cat.
  7. WORK:  This project has a lot of complexity, like a haystack.
  8. HOME:  I know you’re thirsty, but it’s not actually possible to drink all the water in the West.
  9. WORK:  After creating the Organizational Impact Analysis, the sweet spot was revealed.
  10. HOME:  Don’t growl at me, it’s rude.
  11. WORK:  I’m not trying to boil the ocean.
  12. HOME:  No, I don’t know why everybody’s always cutting off everybody else’s hands in “Star Wars.”
  13. WORK:  That is not part of my wheelhouse.
  14. HOME:  Please don’t put your feet in my face.
  15. WORK:  Long story short, the kitchen is too hot and we need to take more aggressive action to drive this.
  16. HOME:  His toes are WRINKLY after being in the bath, not TWINKLY.  Please don’t call him “Twinkle Toes.”
  17. WORK:  I just want the sausage; I don’t want to hear how it’s made.
  18. HOME:  Ice cream IS made of milk but that doesn’t mean you can put it on your cereal.
  19. WORK:  The task here is to build capacity and incentivize people.
  20. HOME:  It’s okay, your brother is not going to feast on you.
  21. WORK:  Let’s get down in the weeds on this project.
  22. HOME:  Pluto is called the dwarf planet because it’s small, not because the Seven Dwarfs live there.
  23. WORK:  We want to be more present in that space.
  24. HOME:  I don’t think you are hearing how serious this is:  if you cut your finger off, even by accident, you will be in the hospital for daaaaays.  And you will need shots.
  25. WORK:  Don’t count your approvals before they hatch.
  26. HOME: “Rock a bye baby, you’re in a chair.  You’re in a chair ’cause you won’t go to sleep . . .”
  27. WORK:  I’m just trying to manage expectations.
  28. HOME:  NO ONE may come to this dinner table with no pants on.  There is no negotiating on that.
  29. WORK:  When are we going to sunset this thing?
  30. HOME:  Never.  It is NEVER okay to ride your sister like a pony.
  31. WORK:  We’re flying the plane as it’s being built.
  32. HOME:  Your bellybutton doesn’t DO anything.  I WISH it turned you off like a robot, but it doesn’t.
  33. WORK:  We need to do the hard and fast versus the stroke and cuddle.
  34. HOME:  Get back here and put your underwear on.

 

super_venn

Graphic created by JSeiderer

Maybe you’ve seen a Venn diagram before and maybe you haven’t; this is a Venn diagram on steroids.  I saw something like this at work, no lie (I did change the job titles and colors to protect the innocent, ha ha).  It’s supposed to show where all of these job titles intersect, the “synergy” amongst them, if you will.  Lovely to look at.  Informative?  Not so much.

 

Maybe if I put a Mama spin on it, it would make more sense.  We play all these roles — and more! — simultaneously.  Behold:  My Super Venn of Motherhood.

super_venn2

Graphic created by JSeiderer

 

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