I spent the better part of seventy-two hours over this past weekend wondering if I was pregnant.

I know.  I know.  The same girl who, for months, has been blogging about her journey to IVF; for whom a natural pregnancy would be a near-miracle.  I know.

But, almost two weeks ago, I had blood work done to see where I was in my current cycle so we can put a plan together for our first IVF cycle.  The blood work confirmed I had ovulated, and that I would either get my period in two weeks or less or, conversely, I would be pregnant.

Well, we knew which one to look forward to.  After over a year of wishing for my period NOT to come so that I would be pregnant, these two weeks I fervently wished for my period to hurryupandgetherealready so that we could finish our testing and begin our IVF cycle sooner rather than later.

But a week passed, and no period. And then, going into this past weekend, almost two full weeks and no period.  I was positive it would have arrived that first week, given the length of my last cycle.  Of course, throughout this past year, I’ve learned to expect the unexpected.  Why would this cycle be like the last when, really, no two have ever been alike for me?  But, in that same vein, if I’m to expect the unexpected, then what if I could be pregnant?

No really, what if?

What if one, single, determined and stubborn sperm found its way?

And what if the timing happened to be right, just this once?

What if, on what would be the cycle before our first IVF cycle, I got pregnant?  Great story, right?

What if we really could do this ourselves?

What if we had a holiday baby? Or a New Year’s baby?

What if I let my imagination get the best of me?

Because then, of course, I got my period.  And all my “what ifs”turn into “yeah, rights” and I’m relieved, actually.  Now we can go ahead with the plan I’ve had in my head anyways for months, and everything seems right on track.

This time, a period does not mean “not pregnant.”  It means we are actually one step closer to becoming pregnant through IVF, if the cycle works for us, if all else goes as planned.

What if?

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