Perhaps you’ve noticed by now that I’m one who intensely feels the highs and lows. I do so admire my even-keeled friends and for years I even strived to be like them, but alas, that is not my true nature. When I’m happy ANYTHING is possible and I can move heaven and earth. When I’m down…well, life seems to suck. Even when it doesn’t.
What’s worse is, when I’m down, I tend to kick myself while I’m there. I resist the lows, think there is something wrong with me for feeling the lows, and I beat myself up for not being able to lift myself out of those lows. It’s a dreadful cocktail of low energy, guilt, and resistance.
Yesterday, when I woke up and realized I was in for another day of lows, I decided to try a different tactic. I decided I would be my own best friend, I would be gentle with myself and love myself ANYWAY, even if I wasn’t feeling like I wanted to feel.
My young boys are so wonderful at showing me unconditional love when I’m feeling crappy. They give me extra hugs and “I love you’s” and imaginary protective bubbles. Yesterday I thought “why can’t I do that for myself?”
So I set the baby up with toys, a video and two big brothers to play with him and I took a long hot shower. As I was in the shower I attempted to give myself the unconditional love that I deserve. This is what my some of my conversation with myself looked like:
* Even though I’m not feeling the way I’d like, I know I’m worthy and deserving of love.
* Even though I’m impatient with my children right now, I know I’m a great Mama.
* Even though I may have just LOST it, I know I’m a good person.
* These feelings are serving a purpose and I just have to love myself through them.
* Throughout all the highs and lows I know I am ultimately a great spirit who is making a difference just by BEING.
I may have not been able to pull myself out of the bad mood right away, but just by the simple act of accepting the mood AND accepting me took the heaviness of the mood away. Even though I still wasn’t feeling happy-go-lucky, I was certainly feeling lighter.
The rest of the day I continued to talk to myself in such a manner…and it turned even a bad mood into something lovely. I found out I can be my own best friend and love myself unconditionally.
(Which really came in handy at bedtime when I totally lost it again.)
No matter the situation, no matter the feeling attached, I am (and YOU ARE) are always worthy and deserving of LOVE.
Happy Magical Monday. ♥