While my mom and I have a good relationship now, it hasn’t always been that way. For reasons I won’t go into in-depth, we have butted heads for as long as I can remember. We would go through periods of time where our relationship would be wonderful, and then we would go through periods where we didn’t talk to each other very much. This was the case as a teen and for most of my 20’s.
You see, I’m one of 4 kids – I have two sisters and a brother. I fall in the middle of the girls and 3rd overall. Growing up my mom worked full-time in retail and as she says, didn’t get much help from my dad. On top of the general craziness of having 4 kids and working, all of my siblings except for me required more attention because of either chronic physical illnesses or learning disabilities. I was always the one no one had to worry about but kids want to be worried about. I wanted to be thought of as much as my siblings and because I wasn’t, I developed a lot of anger towards both my parents, but for some reason, mostly towards my mom.
Now that I’m older and am a mom myself, I’m able to look back at my childhood with a sense of healing. My mom had it tough and it’s impossible to really see that when you’re a kid/teenager. I only have one toddler and can’t imagine how tiring it must be to have 4 kids, especially while also working a full-time job. I can’t imagine what it was like for her to have her youngest child become sick at the age of 7 and need her first of many surgeries at the age of 13. I can’t imagine what it was like for her to also have to advocate for her two other children to ensure that they got the extra attention they needed in school. I can understand why she didn’t need to think of me as much as them, and I’m OK with it. I get it now.
It’s taken a lot of work on my part to get to this point including many months’ meditation classes. As I’ve really begun to understand the dangers of anger and the importance of letting go, living more in the now, and really accepting and loving people for who they are, I have a much better relationship with her. We talk to each other several times a week, skype at least once a week so my daughter can see her Mimi and our relationship is more stable than ever.
Being able to heal my relationship with my mom has healed a wound that’s been open since childhood. I am so grateful to have my mom in my life and am endlessly thankful that she is an incredible grandmother to my child. Mom – I know you are reading this and so I want you to know how much I love you, that I understand and I’m not angry anymore.
This is the first post in a Mother’s Day themed series. Next week my fellow CTWM’s bloggers will write about their moms or a woman in their life that’s important to them. Stay tuned.