This is a letter of apology to my body, a beautiful thing that has given me so much but has also caused me many difficulties.
It has been a long while since the last time we had a heart-to-heart. First and foremost I would like to apologize for the way I’ve treated you the past year. As I look back now, I realize that I set unrealistic expectations for you, ones that you could not understandably meet. As a result, I’ve become resentful and bitter towards your inability to perform as I demand, and it is now apparent that it was unfair of me to do so.
On April 20, 2012, you did something for me that I will always cherish. You gave me the opportunity to have a natural, vaginal birth and deliver a healthy, happy, wonderful baby girl. You did so well while I was in labor, you kept up with the pushes and my breathing, never failing me during the moments before she came into this world. You kept my mind at ease, took all my anxiety away during that time and allowed me to enjoy becoming a mother. Unfortunately, we experienced some difficulties shortly after and you and I both know what they were. During that time, you kept my mind off of what was going on in the room and helped me to focus my attention on the little bundle of joy across the room being held by her wonderful father. I truly thank you for that.
When we came home from the hospital, I know it was hard both physically and emotionally. It took weeks to be able to walk normally again and all I kept doing during that time was complaining about how my body wasn’t healing as quickly as I wanted it to and why wasn’t the pain going away.
Dear body, it was foolish of me to ignore you out of my own irritability, frustration and lack of patience. You were trying to tell me to slow down and to respect the proper amount of time to heal. I didn’t want to wait, and because of that further problems and pain erupted, and I am truly sorry for that. You needed time and it was selfish of me for not providing you with the healing process you so badly yearned for.
I also want to apologize for the way I’ve treated you these past few months. On morning in mid-March when I woke up to sciatica and pelvic issues , you had reached your limit and you were telling me that something had to change , that you needed to be re-aligned to truly function at your fullest. I did nothing short of being frustrated once again, irritated and resentful towards you. I ignored the opportunities and just did my own thing, hoping that you would follow my direction for what I thought was the proper type of care.
It wasn’t until last week when I was at the chiropractor’s that I realized something about our relationship that I will continue to nurture and work on. That is, I am putting down the gloves of being impatient and the drive to always be in control. I am going to look to you for guidance and let you take all the time you need to heal in this journey we are on together. You take however long you need to feel better, to gain your mobility, and to be happy once again. I am sorry that I chose to ignore you for so long.
I promise, it will not happen again. Over the next few weeks, and even months, as we see the chiropractor and continue properly exercising; we will get better and become fully happy once again, however long it takes.
In a few months from now I am confident that we will look back at this experience and be grateful for it, as it’s brought us closer together and made me appreciate everything that you have done for me. Our future looks bright lovely body and I look forward to the opportunity again to bear a child and go through an amazing labor as we did last year. I am confident through seeing a chiropractor and exercising that your recovery time will be less and our healing time will be spent resting and building more memories with our family.
Again, I am truly sorry for not believing in you, for ignoring you and being resentful towards you during such a difficult healing process. I love you very much and I promise to respect you going forward.