Audrey. Sweet, silly, stubborn, wily, exasperating, fearless, amazing Audrey. This child is an enigma. I will never ever figure her out and I have come to decide that I am perfectly content with that.

Dirt tastes great, Mom.

Audrey has turned my life upside down in ways I’ve chronicled here and so many more. If Olivia was a textbook easy baby, Audrey has been textbook challenging.

She cried for several hours a day (and night) for so many months, I lost track. She was colicky, she was refluxy, she required constant attention and comfort around the clock. She hit every milestone at her own (very) leisurely pace.  But once she hits it? She ANNIHILATES it. Audrey’s life motto is, “Go big or go home.”


  • She didn’t walk for 15 months, but once she did? She scaled stairs, ran up and down hills, climbed onto the dining room table and hid herself inside the firebox of our fireplace.
  • She didn’t talk – at all – until 23 months. No words (except Mommy, Da and Yaya), no animal sounds, nothing. But now? Oh my. “I walk downstairs myself. I big girl now! I made it!”

All this to say that I didn’t expect to even contemplate potty training her for many months. She just turned two in May. But, in true Audrey fashion, about three weeks ago she stood up and said, “Potty!”

So, my husband figured what the hell and put her on the potty. SHE FREAKING WENT. I thought for sure it was a fluke, but dusted off our trusty potty chair and planned on having it out in case she was interested. We planned to use the same method Melanie did – it worked like a charm on Olivia, too. But again, not until she was nearly three!

Later that night, Audrey says to me, “Mommy! Poop potty! Poop potty!” (Can I just say that I thought she was asking to go to a pool party? My bad.) I finally figured out what she meant and brought her to the bathroom to put her on the potty chair. She refused. She said, “I big girl! POTTY.” Oh, DAMN! She insisted on sitting on the actual toilet (with the potty ring) and immediately peed AND POOPED.

She has continued to just go like it’s no big deal and she’s always just used the toilet like an actual grown woman.

I KNOW. My child trained herself and I don’t even have to empty a potty chair. I WIN AT LIFE.

If only I’d known two years ago when I cried almost as often as she did wondering what I was doing wrong to be patient. That I was going to win the potty lottery.

And, of course, much more. She’s strong willed. She knows what she wants and she wants it right now OH MY GOD WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?! She is not afraid to take risks and she’s ok with failing because she can always just try again. Did I mention that she also potty trained herself? Did I mention that I’m buying her a unicorn at this very moment?

Sweet, silly, stubborn, wily, exasperating, fearless, amazing Audrey. I think I’ll keep her.

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