I apologize if this post makes no sense. I’m tired. Audrey hasn’t been sleeping well and not even for the usual reasons (beeteedubs, that has kind of… gone away SHHHHH). She has croup. Poor Audrey. Poor the rest of us, too.

Thankfully, it’s not so severe that we’re worried about her breathing, but it’s still awful. Any of you with firsthand experience in this arena knows what I’m talking about. She’s so irritable. She won’t eat much of anything, which is pretty much unheard of for my littlest girl. She’s exhausted but she can’t sleep because SWEET MOSES THE COUGHING. So much coughing. Her little voice has been transformed to that of a 60 year smoker. It’s pathetic.

She wants to be held constantly. And I love snuggles, but I need to, um, function, too. She’s 35 lbs and isn’t exactly a feather to carry around for hours at a time. Any time I’m seated, she’s on me. “Snuggle me, mama. My need snuggles. Snuggle buggle, mama!”

Audrey and Mama getting some cold air in those little airways.

Audrey and Mama getting some cold air in those little airways.

OK, the mama thing gets me every time. She never called me mama when she was little. Straight from whine whine whine to MOMMY. And now? MAHM! So, the raspy little pleading of, “Mama sit nexoo me!” – well, IF YOU INSIST, ANGEL BABY.

Unfortunately, I have duties other than snuggle buggling Audrey 24/7. I have a house to manage. A full time job to OCCASIONALLY VISIT (I don’t even want to talk about how much time I’ve had to miss lately) and another entire child to look after.

Poor Olivia. She has been so patient and empathetic. As much as any four year old can be expected to be. But, even she has limits. She feels abandoned a bit, I’m sure. Jealous. Sad. OVER IT.

Hello, mom. I'm here. I'm cute, too. Is this thing on?

Hello, mom. I’m here. I’m cute, too. Is this thing on?

This is hard. My husband doesn’t exactly have a flexible work schedule, but he’s been busting it to do what he can. He left early yesterday to get Audrey from daycare after I received the, “She coughed all through nap, ate nothing and has been crying for you all day” call. Which felt AWESOME, I might add. He’s doing drop off and pick up for Olivia today which is a total pain in the ass because her school is very inconveniently located (an hour from our house – another story for another day). Still, I am charged with taking most of the time off with the kids when they’re sick and while I’m lucky enough to have to flexibility to do so, it sucks to have had to take so much time before having even clocked a full year at this job.

I have no insight to offer today. I’m just maxed out. Doing the grown up version of, “MAHM, SNUGGLE ME.” I guess. I wish she could.


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