I’m having a hard time settling on just one topic to discuss here today, so instead I’m going to throw it all out there. My brain is cluttered. You’re welcome!

1. Morning routines. Is everyone else yelling a lot in the morning or just me? I have created adorable little checklists to help remind the girls what we do (every. single. morning. of. their. lives.) and it does help them at bedtime. Potty? Check! Wipe and flush? You got it! Wash hands and brush teeth? WINNING!In the morning, however, they are teeny, sleepy slugs with amnesia. Cannot move faster than one millimeter per hour. PER HOUR. We have a pretty tight timeline in the morning and it doesn’t matter how early I get them up. It’s slug city up in here. Which almost always lends itself to me barking, “We’re late! Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. BRUSH YOUR TEEEEEEEEEEETH!!!!!”  This morning, for example, Olivia was just finishing up on the potty when I gathered all of our stuff for the car, walked out to the car, unlocked it, turned it on, placed all of our stuff in the car, cleaned random papers and old sippies out of the car, threw them in the trash, came back into the house, took my boots off, poured coffee into my travel mug and then walked back to the bathroom to check on her. In that time, she had… wiped. NOT EVEN FLUSHED YET. OMG PULL UP YOUR PANTS, FLUSH THE TOILET, WASH YOUR HANDS AND BRUSH YOUR TEEEEEEEEETH!!!!! Ahem. So, that’s not going as well as I’d like. Suggestions?

2.Half birthdays. Do you celebrate these? If you do, can you explain why? I… don’t get it. I’ve heard of some people whose children have birthdays close to the holidays so they celebrate on their half in the summer instead. But, then I heard of people whose children have summer birthdays so they celebrate on their half birthdays in the winter so school friends can attend parties. So. Um. None of this makes sense to me. Your birthday is your birthday and that’s the date we celebrate. Just the one time. Per year. Help me understand this half birthday business.

3. Audrey sleep shenanigans update.  My sleep issues with Audrey have been documentedfar and wide. To any and everyone who will (pretend to) listen. I should not update this because obviously, the first rule in parenting is that the second you talk about a great milestone: boom. Regression city. But, in case it gives any other poor, exhausted mother a shred of hope, I have to do it. We have crossed a bridge, people. A long, bleary-eyed, coffee-filled, tear-stained bridge. The child who, for two solid years, would take hours to even FALL asleep and then still wake multiple times per night for no discernible reason other than to test me to the very core, now routinely kicks me out of her room after her books with the following commands, “Leave my door open and go away.” I KNOW. And then? AND THEN???? SHE SLEEPS ALL THE LIVELONG NIGHT. I don’t understand this child and I admit to you right now that the chances are very high that I never will. But, I love her and her new sleep orders and I will TAKE IT.

4. Audrey [other] shenanigans. It can’t all be sleep and happiness. Yesterday she decided it was a good idea to stick a goldfish cracker up her nose. Sigh.

What, I'm not supposed to eat the Amulet of Avalor?

What, I’m not supposed to eat the Amulet of Avalor?

5. Whole 30. I’m on day 26 of the Whole 30. My eating habits needed an overhaul like whoa. Why is it so hard? I like all of the food I’m eating and I like that it forces me to meal plan. I like that I’m much more aware of how much JUNK is in a lot of the food I feed my family. I mean, I don’t like that it’s there, but I like that I’m (slightly) educated on it so I can make better choices. And I like that I’m losing some weight (you’re not supposed to weigh yourself during this, but guess what? I DO AND I REGRET NOTHING.). But, I really miss cream and sugar in my coffee. Like, I dream about it. Speaking of dreams…

6. Is anyone a dream expert? Because the other night I had a dream that I was at an arcade with Hulk Hogan and Mr. T. And Mr. T had lobster claws for hands. I don’t remember the rest but, WHAT THE WHAT?!

What’s rolling around in your brain today?

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