The Big Family

Mother Nature has a funny way of writing a fate for you that is different than the path that you have planned for yourself. If there is one thing that I have learned about parenthood, it is to never assume anything about a person and how they got to where they are with regards to kids – what seems to be the story on the surface may not be, and any judgement that is formed as a result may, in fact, be unfair.

Having been a member of the local Mothers of Multiples Club, I have found that nature works in mysterious ways – I know of a woman who has five kids; all naturally conceived. The first pregnancy (fraternal twin boys) was an unexpected pregnancy resulting in a slight bonus. Her second pregnancy (another boy) was a planned pregnancy, as she thought she wanted three children. And the third pregnancy (boy/girl twins) was a late-in-life unplanned pregnancy that came with an added surprise. When strangers see her with her kids, they automatically assume that she’s either a kid-crazy mom who wanted a big family, or that she so desperately wanted a girl that she kept on trying. The reality of it is that she wanted three kids and had planned for that until her last two came along as a little added “blessing.”

So next time you see any of the following, don’t assume…

– When you see parents that had their kids very young, don’t assume that they were careless and carefree.

– When you see a couple with only one child, don’t assume that it was necessarily their choice to have just one child.

– When you see a couple who has no kids, don’t assume that they chose to be that way.

– When you see a very large family, don’t assume that the parents had “baby fever.”

– When you see parents who are older first time parents, don’t assume that they married late, had fertility problems, or are selfish.

– When you see a family with a big gap between kids’ ages, don’t assume that the younger kids were a product of a mom who had the “baby bug” after her kids got older, or that any kids were “accidents.”

– When you see someone who has fraternal twins, don’t assume that they had fertility treatments.

– (I could go on…)

Sometimes our choices are not our own – they are imposed on us in a way that we cannot control. And we, as good parents, deal with it; as painful as it may be. We learn to adjust and handle the situation in a way that works for us. So next time you see someone for whom you think you know the back story, don’t assume…just accept that they are who they are: good parents who only want the best for their children.



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