I don’t know how many of you have experienced this strange ability in the men you have slept or are sleeping with now, but I can tell you that I’ve never been able to “hit the pillow and be out like a light” when I try to go to sleep.

No ladies, I roll around, think of all the things I didn’t get done, think of all the things I have yet to do, worry about how the bills are going to get paid, count sheep, mentally sing songs that I can’t get out of my head, and slowly… I mean REAL slowly… will drift off into a not so restful wonderland of sleep.

I’ve never understood this with men. Heck, don’t we both have similar brains? It’s the most aggravating thing is the world, especially when they can not only fall asleep that quickly, but on top of that they can sleep through the night, usually snoring up a storm, and never wake to the sound of small war taking part in the same room! My husband was like this. He could seriously sleep through anything!

The morning that my third child was born I was propped up in the middle of the night on the couch in the living room trying my damnedest to get some sleep. I was nine months pregnant and ready to burst and I thought I heard one of my other two girls wake up and cry in the middle of the night. The kid’s bedroom was right next to our master bedroom and I could hear that my husband wasn’t getting up (that’s another thing they do so well… defer to mommy if they are sleeping) so I drag my big belly off the couch and head upstairs to see who’s crying. There are 23 stairs to the second floor of our old Victorian house, so you must know that I am a little miffed that I have to take this hike. But up I go to the second floor only to find that whoever was crying had settled down to sleep again. I turned around and started to walk downstairs and found that I was “leaking” a little with each downward step.

“Damn it! Stop stepping on my bladder little one!”

So I headed for the bathroom and quickly realized that this wasn’t a bladder issue… I had broken water!
And what comes next? Whamo! Contraction!

Now the doctor had told me that this baby would be born in the middle of June and here it was the end of May. I always told him he was wrong, but in the end I took his word which meant that nothing… I MEAN NOTHING… was ready for me to go to the hospital!

So I rran around with a toddler Pampers between my legs and tried to rip clothes off a back porch line, cleaned the refrigerator (because as we all know everything will rot before I get home), made instruction lists for my other half to follow when I’m gone, etc. all in between contractions! I finally figured I had better call the doc and it’s about 4:00 am when I did, and I told him what was going on and he started to yell at me to get the hell to the hospital!

“But I have stuff I have to do yet! I have to get the kids ready to go to the in-laws!
Can’t you just give me that shot to stop the contractions so we can do the C-section?”

You see I had two previous C-sections so I wasn’t a candidate for a natural birth.

“No! You broke water! Can’t do that. There is too much chance of infection.

OMG! Now I’m freaked! So I dropped everything and I cursed the doc because I KNEW I would have this baby in May, but whatever. I headed for the 23 stairs again and now the contractions are coming seriously hard. I literally started screaming upstairs for my husband to help get the kids… We have to get to the hospital! No answer. I crawled up the hideous stairs and got to the top and guess what? HE’S STILL SLEEPING!

The kids got up because they heard my racket but my husband was still dead to the world. It took me crawling up on the bed and kicking him to get him to come to!

How can they sleep like that? I can’t believe it!

So we grabbed the kids in their PJs and he helped me into the car and we drove 60 mph through town (I was hoping that a cop would stop us so that we say, “But officer… We’re having a baby!” No such luck.), dropped them at his mother’s, and got to the hospital. That morning my beautiful baby Kate was born.

My husband doesn’t sleep that well anymore. Age does that to us all I guess. It almost seems like a role reversal at times because with the children grown and gone I sleep as soundly as a baby… After a few glasses of wine, that is!

Good night! ZZZZZZZ!

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