Let me start out by saying I’m not pregnant. I had what might have been a kidney stone and a subsequent ultrasound last week so I know there’s nothing in there. Trust me, I was sure to ask. And although I’ve been on the fence about a third in the past, I think I’ve pretty much decided two kids is the number of kids I can sanely handle. That being said, I still get all verklempt when I see a pregnant lady walking around. I have to restrain myself from running up to her, hugging her and telling her how it ‘s the most amazing thing she’ll ever do. And also, I want to shake her and ask her what she thinks she’s doing?! Doesn’t she know this is the hardest thing she’ll ever do? Is she spending lots of time with her spouse? She should. She really should. Like. Right. NOW. Seriously, why is she shopping for baby stuff when she could be on a date with her husband with no children? Or sleeping, or reading, or watching something rated PG-13 on TV during the day?
Anyway, back to the topic of pregnancy. It’s the weirdest thing ever. First of all, you make a baby by doing something you normally do for fun. Except this one time all of the stars align and another life is created. I mean seriously, another life. Insane. The whole thing boggles my mind. So then you’ve got this alien thing growing inside of you and you hardly even know it. That’s if you’re lucky and you’re not hugging a toilet bowl for the first three months or longer. You’re either super hungry, or super sick, or super tired. Or you’re all of these things. All this because another human is growing inside of you and feeding off of your body.
Then you start feeling it move and you really start feeling like you’re in the movie Alien. You can lie down and actually see your “stomach” move. How crazy is that? Side note: Feeling the baby move is about the only thing I’ll miss about being pregnant. Babies even get the hiccups in there! For almost ten months you’ll walk around doing what you always do and all the while a baby is growing inside of you. Just like breathing, you don’t have to do anything. Your body just knows what to do. And the baby’s body knows just what to do too.
Even though your body has this baby baking thing all figured out, that doesn’t often mean you’ll get through it without any side effects. You’ll likely be high fiving your spouse whenever you manage to pooh. Those prenatal vitamins can really stop you up. Hopefully you’ll avoid hemorrhoids, but if you don’t, you’re not alone. Your feet might swell. If you’re like me, you’ll have so much heartburn you’ll wish you’d bought stock in Tums. You’ll probably starting waking up every few hours to pee, which I think is really just your body getting you used to getting up that often. Although anyone who has had an infant knows that getting up to pee a few times a night can in no way prepare you for the night waking you’ll do once your little one is here. There are lots of other personal ways your body will change right before your eyes.
I’m still in awe every time I see a pregnant woman. You’re doing an amazing thing without even trying. You’re growing a teeny tiny human being! We get to do this and men don’t. Men can’t. When I really think about this I feel so lucky to be a woman, to get to experience this amazing thing that only we women can do. How amazing is that? And weird, so very weird.