This past weekend, as I drove back from baseball with my five year old son, I felt it. Life has changed again, and we aren’t talking a new phase, we have entered a whole new chapter. My son is now a kid.
His independence has been increasing for some time now, demonstrated in his ability to get dressed, go to the bathroom, or get and put away toys on his own. But until just recently, his MO was questions, all the time, with little discussion. Now, he is engaging in conversation, real back and forth dialogue. He also remembers things and will refer to them during conversations. This huge change is both awesome and freaky.
It is awesome because we are interacting and I find him incredibly creative and funny. We actually engage in activities together, whereas before I was more of an assistant to his play.
It is freaky to me for two reasons. The first has to do with time and how quickly he has changed in what felt like such a short amount of time. I am freaked out by the thought of how much he, and subsequently our relationship, will change in the next five years. I’m also freaked out because there are certain parts that I don’t want to change- cuddles, unprompted I love you’s, his unabashed excitement at everything- that I know will.
Wow…talk about a downer. I know that this is life, and that thinking this way isn’t productive, but sometimes I can’t help it. I’ve never been the best at change.
I guess the other piece of all of this that blows my mind, is that on top of the physically demanding nature of being a mom, the experience of being a mom is also so emotional. It gives me a whole new respect for my mom, and all of the moms I know, who have kept it together through this incredible journey.
I will continue to try to live in the moment, learn from it, and enjoy it. And, I will also approach this new chapter for all that it is, because above all else, it’s pretty fantastic. But, I am definitely going to need a little support from time to time. Reason 105 why this blog, and the message of support, strength, and sisterhood is so important!