Once in a while my kids are so frustrating that I wish I had a book to reference to remind me of their adorable moments. Since I don’t really have the extra time to even, like, iron a shirt right now, this will have to suffice (and this right here is why I update Facebook so much):

Ah, Audrey and her infamous Bedtime Stall Tactics…

“Guys, I just wanna hang out with you. Can I hang out for a couple minutes?”

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“Mom, when I be go to kindagahden? Wivea is going. I want to go. I am big. I am not small. I am clean! I took a tubby!”

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Audrey: I am too excited for tomorrow.
Me: I know, but you have to go to sleep so the bunny can hide our eggs.
Audrey: I CAN’T WAIT.
Me: Goodnight, Audrey.
Audrey: Goodnight, Mom. … IS IT TIME YET?!?!
Me: Audrey, it’s been FIVE SECONDS. Go to sleep.
Audrey: Okay, Happy Easter, Mom.
Me: Love you.
Audrey: OH MY GOODNESS I CAN NOT WAIT.

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Liv: mommy I like your hair today and your dress is beautiful.
Audrey: yes but my dress is a little bit more beautiful.

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Olivia is telling Audrey a bedtime story about cowboys, horses, and lemonade. She ended it with, “The moral of the story is: I’m not about to give a horse lemonade. They will hate you. THE END.”

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Tom and me at 6pm: These kids are going to bed early tonight! 7:30 SHARP!
8:45pm: family dance party in the kitchen featuring DJ Khaled.
Liv and Audrey: ALL WE DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT!

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Audrey losing her mind in the tub…
Me: Honey, WHAT is wrong?! Is the water too hot? Are you hurt??
Audrey: MY HAIRCUT!!!
Me: Your… haircut?
Audrey: YOU WASHED MY HAIRCUT OFF!!!!!

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When I woke Audrey up for school this morning, she groaned at me, sat up and legit PUNCHED her pillow.

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Audrey (on swing): I go fast! I go FAST! [her way of telling us to push her.]
Me: What’s the magic word?
Audrey: ABRACADABRA!

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Me: Night, Audrey. I love you.
Audrey: You’re welcome.

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Olivia: (looking at a picture of Audrey)
Me: You like that picture?
Olivia: Yes, I love that kid. Audrey is my best treasure. Can I take this to school so I can see her anytime I want?

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Morning stream of consciousness from Olivia: Mommy, I want to go to the beach. I think it’s getting cold. But maybe I can play on my playscape. I might be a bit chilly. Is it almost Halloween? When will it snow? Then I can use my sled! Where is my sled? Where is my new kite? I want to fly that kite. Snow means CHRISTMAS! I’m hungry.

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Olivia (dressed as an elephant) to Audrey (dressed as a cupcake): It’s time for the race around the world! First stop? The DESERT! Good fing I’m prepared! ::pats tiny black patent leather purse holding a water bottle:: Ready, steady, GOOOOOOO!!!!!

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Olivia: “This is my favorite birthday ever. Thank you forever. For everything.”

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Olivia: Do you love me?
Me: Yes!
Olivia: Do you love Audrey?
Me: Yep!
Olivia: (considers for a moment) …I love hotdogs.

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Me: how are you, cuties?
Audrey: GOOD! Eat?!
Olivia: hey. I’m not cute.
Me: you’re not?
Olivia: no, I’m not.
Me: well, what are you then?
Olivia: Adorable.

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Me: I love you to the moon and back.
Liv: I love you to the super duper alley ooper moon and back.
Me: You win!
Liv: We both win.

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Audrey (screaming/thrashing about): I DON’T WANNA GO TO BEEEED!!!!
Me: SHUSH!
Olivia (from her bed): Mom? Don’t you know yet that shushing my sister only makes her freak out? See if she wants to rock.
SHE IS 4 AND SMARTER THAN ME.

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“Audrey, even though I fight with you sometimes, you’re still always my best sister.”

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Olivia: Having a sister is better than anything. Your best friend is always just in the castle tent in your playroom. You always have company every day. And if she forgets about her snack? Finders keepers, losers weepers.

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Overheard in the playroom…
Audrey: I have that lunchbox?
Olivia: No, Audrey, that’s my lunch. I’m the Mommy and Mommy’s in charge. Mommy makes the choices and I choose this lunch. Mommy makes the rules. You follow Mommy’s rules. OR ELSE.

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Olivia: I wish I had a guinea pig…
Me: Well, guinea pigs are a lot of work and responsibility.
Olivia: I know! I will always snuggle her.
Me: Um, well, I’m not sure they like that, but even if they did, you also have to clean out the cage very often so it doesn’t stink.
Olivia (horrified): WHAT? Like… the POOP?
Me: Yes.
Olivia: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THAT’S DISGUSTING. Forget it.
Me: (silently high-fiving myself)

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Olivia: Mommy, I love you every day for my whole life.

 

Yes. This’ll do. This’ll do just fine.

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