No one talks about sex. When people treat you badly at work or in the supermarket, does anyone EVER think, “Maybe they are not having enough sex”? No. It’s a huge part of everyone’s life but it is never factored in to our understanding of other people’s behavior.
I think that’s a mistake, because it’s certainly an important aspect of attitude and mental health. Haven’t we all had bosses who were, shall we say, mercurial? You couldn’t predict from one day to the next how they were going to act: friendly, nasty, contentious, warm. Did it ever occur to any of us that it was a lack of lovin’ that was causing these mood swings?
Who knows what is going on at home for the people with whom we work? No one talks about it. You never hear people ask on Monday morning, “Hey, did you have a good sexual weekend?” Managers don’t come in and say, “I’m concerned about you. You seem down. Are you and your partner having enough sex?” I know it seems silly to think of anyone asking us these questions, but why? We talk about other things in our lives freely, like money problems, fights with relatives, even fertility issues. Those things affect our moods, and are quite personal, but we can share them with others. Why is it that we never tell people when there is trouble between the sheets? (We don’t talk about constipation as a mood changer, either, but that is a post for another day.)
Although I think it would be very useful if we could wear signs that indicate our sexual satisfaction status (like construction companies that post signs saying “385 days accident-free”), I don’t think that’s going to happen. So instead, I would like to suggest to all you worker bees out there that you try to stop taking other people’s behaviors so personally, and instead think of other reasons why those other people are snapping at you for no apparent reason. If your boss told you that she hadn’t eaten anything for a month, you would certainly understand it if she were a bit crabby.
There are so many different things we need to feed our souls, and without those things, we are not whole. Think about this next time you are treated rudely by someone you think should know better.
What you see of most people in your lives is similar to how an iceberg presents itself: 10% above the water and visible, with 90% out of sight and unknowable to us. Some of those people may be living with icebergs, or feel like icebergs themselves. It’s probably best to get out of the way, but with insight and compassion.