To my toddler Mommy and Daddy love you  very much but….

YOU have no idea how good you have it with the following:

1. Your father is a chef and makes the most amazing, delicious restaurant quality dinners. You of course stick your nose up, scream as we force you to try JUST ONE bite and demand pizza. Do you know how many people out in the world have NO food, but you have home-made, healthy, yummy, dinners made numerous times a week?

People Pay for these types of dinners!

People Pay for these types of dinners!

2. You are able to take a dump and piss in a toilet. Back in the day people did this in buckets in their house. Some people still have to urinate or defecate out in a forest! Please try to keep it in the toilet bowl and not all over the floor.

3. We have this wonderful invention called tissues. They are soft, and delicate and will clean up the buckets of your nose snot. Can you please stop licking your lips trying to clear it causing chapped lips.

4. There are more movies than the following: Airplanes, Cars and Tinkerbell. While I love being able to act out the whole movie word by word due to watching it 5 million times can we PLEASE watch something before I rip my eyes out of my head?

If I watch CARS one more time I will go CRAZY!

If I watch CARS one more time I will go CRAZY!

5. Having tantrums over EVERY GOD DAMN THING just reiterates that you have no idea how well you have it. Yes, I know its developmental and all but DAMN your immediate gratification crazy reactions over not having 3 ice cubes in your drink as opposed to 2 ice cubes it makes me realize you have no real problems.

6. Last but not least if I say NO it is usually to keep you ALIVE. I care enough to want to keep you alive.  Running with a fork while fun can possibly impale your skull. Jumping off the couch head first onto a wood floor can cause a concussion. Trust me I am not trying to kill Superman or your dreams.

I know you don't believe me but I AM ON YOUR SIDE!

I know you don’t believe me but I AM ON YOUR SIDE!

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