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Oh my sweet baby boy, you are nine months old now. You have officially been in this world longer than you have been in my belly. I have so many mixed emotions. I love seeing you grow and watch your personality develop. I love the proud look you get on your face when you discover a new trick, like pulling yourself up to a standing position or picking up a Puff all by yourself. On the other hand, my days of cradling a tiny newborn are over and I find myself longing for a time so recent, yet already so far away. Granted, we didn’t get off to a great start. When I first found out about you, I was surprised to say the least. You made me feel really sick for the first few weeks of our relationship. Then I started to feel you move inside of me. I felt little elbows, knees and fists. You moved all the time. Then the day came – your birthday – and we met face to face.

Oh my sweet baby boy, I fell head over heels for you in an instant. I was so enamored with you that you never left my arms. The nurses joked about how “this Mama doesn’t ever put her baby down!” I took you home and you met your big brother. He also fell instantly in love with you and gave you your nickname “Juggy” (we’re still not sure where that came from). Just a few weeks into your life you started smiling. And you haven’t stopped. You have been dubbed by more than one person “the baby that makes you want to have another baby.”  You are that perfect.

Oh my sweet baby boy, how I cherish those first few weeks when it was just me and you at home during the day. Remember how we stared at each other for hours? Remember when we took baths and naps together, our noses touching, our breath mingling? I never missed an opportunity to inhale the scent of your newness. Every time your little hand reached for my face, I fell deeper in love with you. I couldn’t get enough of those soft, squishy hands and chubby little feet and teeny tiny toes.

Oh my sweet baby boy, these last nine months have gone by so quickly. You are now mobile, crawling and laughing hysterically as you race across the floor after your brother. You are still easy going but are more vocal now about what you want and don’t want. You love your brother more than anything in the world and it melts my heart to see the two of you together. You still haven’t stopped smiling. You are still so perfect.

Oh my sweet baby boy, knowing you were my final pregnancy, my last newborn, last baby, has left me with a strange feeling of nostalgia. I know it’s inevitable, my little Juggy; it’s inevitable that you’ll keep growing and discovering new tricks and I will continue to cherish each and every one of those exciting developments with you. But please let me never forget those first few months with you. When it was quiet. Just the two of us in our own little world. Part of me wishes you were still inside of me, where I would know you were safe and warm. My sweet baby boy, please know this: you are still part of me; you will always be a part of me. The best part. My favorite part.   So here’s to the next nine months, and the nine after that and after that and after that….

Our quiet time

Our quiet time

 

Top Picture by Ed Rudman

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