There are times when I find the notion of mom as superwoman to be, frankly, a little insulting – like motherhood has somehow presented me with powers that are the only reason I am able to get through my day?  No, actually, I am very much human, I make mistakes, I have only a finite amount of time, and I work my ass off, thank-you-very-much.  I will say, though, that I have learned and perfected some skills that I never thought possible.  Like doing everything and anything while balancing a 23-pound toddler, her Elmo, and a sippy cup.  Like running important work meetings on 4 hours of constantly interrupted sleep.  Like getting us all fed on grocery shopping day and dressed on laundry day.  But motherhood hasn’t made me great at everything.  There are still several tasks that, despite all the practice, I just can’t seem to get.

Nail clipping.  Look closely enough at my kid and you’ll notice that her fingernails are like jagged falcon talons.  It’s not even that I’m really terrible at nail clipping; I’ve never clipped my daughter’s nails too close or anything.  I’m just really afraid of drawing blood and inciting screams.  I do tackle her with a nail file every so often, but at the moment, those nails of hers should be considered weapons.

Booger wiping.  I have a Nose Frida.  One of those hospital sucker bulbs.  I have dry tissues.  Wet wash cloths.  I have fingernails and Q-tips and saline drops.  Still, clearing my daughter of boogers is one of the great trials of our lives, especially now that she’s on a cold per month since starting daycare.  How can baby boogers be the consistency of dried-up rubber cement but still so slippery???  How can babies hate boogers AND the clearing of boogers so very much??  It’s one of life’s great mysteries.

Shoes.  My 15-month-old is only just now wearing shoes regularly (BTW, regularly = 2 days in a row).  In my defense, she doesn’t walk yet, so it’s not like I have her running around barefoot in the snow or anything.  At the same time, every time I pick her up at daycare I notice how she’s the only kid in just socks.  What kind of shoes should a non-toddling toddler even wear (and don’t say Robeez because I bought 2 pairs in different sizes and they don’t fit and I don’t like them!!)?  And why can’t I find size 4 anywhere and why are my kid’s feet so tiny anyway???

Hair washing.  I have tried pouring the water really quickly to get it over with.  I have tried using my hand to direct the water away from her face.  I have tried making her hold her head back.  I have tried making her hold her head forward.  Regardless, I am a cruel and cold-blooded torturer.  At least, that’s how she acts.  Sorry, kid!

Drinking.  Baby girl drinks her water and milk just fine.  I’m talking about mama juice (pssst, you know, alcohol).  I really thought my tolerance would rebound at some point, but it seems like I’m toast for life.  Maybe I should be happy that I’m a cheap date, but the fact that I’m done for the night about 3/4 into my first glass of my favorite red also makes me a very short, boring, sleepy/sleeping date.

Ok people, time to share.  What aspects of motherhood, no matter how simple, are you still working on?

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