Nah, I’m not talking about faking the big O (though I may talk about about that in a later post.). I’m talking about a new life strategy I created for myself. You see, I’ve been in sort of a rut for the past two
weeks months years. Yes, a two-year rut. I don’t berate myself for it. In fact I think it’s been absolutely necessary. I liken it to cleaning out a closet ~ you have to take everything out and have it be in utter chaos for awhile before you put only the things that are necessary and useful back in. The deconstruction before the remodeling. Yeah, that’s been me.
The thing is, I feel that this particular deconstruction segment has come to a conclusion but I’ve gotten so used to being in a rut…so I keep acting like I’m in a rut. It’s learned helplessness. I’ve gotten so used to being in my cage that I don’t notice the door has been opened and I’m now free to fly.
I was thinking that renewed energy, motivation, and inspiration would descend on me like a tidal wave once this little rut came to an end. But instead, I’m discovering I have to find my surf board first. So I’m creating my own custom made surf board and it’s called: Fifteen Minutes of Faking It.
I sort of resisted this inner guidance at first because I misunderstood the term “faking it” with “forcing it.” One inscrutable fact I’ve learned hardcore the past two years is that I can’t force myself to do things without serious emotional consequences. Forcing myself to do anything I thought I was “supposed” to do just elicited intense anger and rage from me. And another inscrutable fact I learned in the past two years is that I have no choice but to listen to and honor my emotions, as they are a strong guiding force. So yeah, forcing things….that just wasn’t going to work.
Recently, however, that wise inner guidance whispered to me that I should try faking it instead of forcing it. I was reminded of the time, years and years ago, when my husband and I were starting our own in-home personal training business. I knew the schedule I wanted to keep (no appointments before 9am) and I knew how many clients I wanted in a day (four to five). And I had the savvy at the time to fake this shit. When my first clients were asking me about regular times and days I “faked” my appointment book being full and “faked” that I had no time for them except for the exact time I wanted them. It worked. Not only did they fit into my schedule when I wanted them to, my whole schedule filled up in exactly the way I was faking within a couple of months. I acted like I was successful and then I became successful. Obviously those smart little quote inventors knew what they were talking about when they came up with “fake it until you make it.”
And then I realized why forcing it and faking it felt entirely different. When I tried to force things I was doing it from a place of disempowerment: “I have no energy for my kids but I should force myself to engage with them because that’s what I’m supposed to do.” When I’m faking it I’m doing it from a place of empowerment: “I want to be an energetic, engaged Mama so I’m going to act energetic and engaged.” Even this seemed daunting at first, until I came up with the “Fifteen Minute” part. I can pretend anything for 15 minutes, right?
So, I looked at the primary areas of my life where I wanted to be different, where I wanted to FEEL different (I want to feel like an awesome aerialist, I want to feel like a passionate wife, I want to feel like an energetic Mother, I want to be a lover of life, among many other things). And I decided to take at least two areas a day and fake it for 15 minutes. It looks like this: “Hmmmm…I am an awesome aerialist. What would an awesome aerialist do right now. And how would she feel doing it?” and “Okay, I’m going to act like a truly LOVE life right now. What would that look like?”
It’s been fun, it’s been empowering, it’s been eye-opening. I’m noticing that when I’m faking it I’m actually being who I TRULY am. I actually AM awesome, energetic, passionate, and a lover of life. I just forgot. And the best part is, once I turn on the timer for those 15 minutes, I find that I actually just stay there. My little “15 Minutes of Faking It” has been one of my best tools…for helping me remember exactly who I am. ♥