I apologize right up front to my husband for this post, but I can’t hide my reality any longer. My husband farts constantly. He farts in the morning and in the evening. He farts if he’s had really rich food or if he’s had salad. He farts in the house and in the car. He farts all the time. And, because he enjoys the face I make when he farts, he looks at me as he does it. This adds to the torture.

My husband often reminds me of something I said when we were newly dating, “Oh, that’s ok, you can do that in front of me now.” We were in the honeymoon phase of dating and I was just trying to be nice, but it appears that this one statement was the green light for my husband to never stop farting. I don’t even remember saying it. It appears that for him, this comment may have sealed the deal.

Now that we have children, ages 5 and 2, farting has become a constant in our household. My children, like most children, find farting hysterical. They love talking about farting, laughing about farting, and calling each other fart-related names. Even though I’ve lost the fart battle, I’ve won the war. I taught my kids early on to say, “Ewwwwww, Daddy gross”, anytime my husband farts. So, although I can’t avoid the smell, or the constant looks, I do get to enjoy my children’s response to my husband’s constant farting.

These are definitely the things no one tells you about having kids or a husband. Wishing you clean air!


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