In case you missed one of my earlier posts, I’m currently going through a divorce. While my soon-to-be ex and I are both in agreement that this is the right thing it’s still been a rough time. Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed a few noteworthy things about this experience that I thought I’d share.
1. Divorce is not the “easy” way out. My goodness whoever says this about people who get divorced has no clue what this process is really like. It sure as hell isn’t the easy way out. Even though we are amicable for the most part it still hurts deeply for the vision of what you thought your life would be like to shatter in front of your eyes.
2. My emotions change day-by-day, minute-by-minute. Some days I feel very peaceful and clear about this process and other days I want to hide in my bed alone with the covers pulled all the way up. Just like grief, I also find that the sadness hits me at unexpected times. I can be sitting at work, working away, feeling totally fine and then BAM, the sadness settles into my heart. While divorce may be what we both agree needs to happen, it’s still the loss of a significant relationship. I’m trying to give myself room to feel the hard feelings but I’m not so good at that.
3. My food “stuff” has been majorly triggered. I struggle with overeating and using food to cope with anxiety and challenging emotions. While finally deciding to file for divorce brought a lot of relief, it also flared up my challenges with food. I’ve been turning to it too much to deal with the stress, loneliness and anxiety I feel at times and I’ve gained 10 pounds in the process. Not a good feeling.
4. I need to be more realistic about what I can handle. I had decided to sign up for a half marathon at the end of May to give myself a healthy goal through this difficult transition. My friend Julia even created a fantastic training plan for me that would have eased me in slowly since I’m pretty much out of running shape at this point. I did the first 2 weeks of the training program and plugged along for several challenging 2 mile runs but then started to feel like I’m pressuring myself to do more than I’m ready for. I wanted to do the race to have something positive to look forward to but now I find myself feeling like I should scrap the idea (even though I already paid) and focus on something more realistic, like just getting out 3-4 days a week for some short runs. I’ve also found that I can’t get my shit together in the same way that I could before, like I have a few CT Working Moms bumper stickers to mail out, that I said I would mail out at the beginning of this month and I only got to it today. I think I need to lower my expectations for what I can accomplish right now and try to cut myself some slack.
5. I have the best friends ever. I think the first people I told about the divorce were my CT Working Moms women and to say they rallied around me would be an understatement (they even surprised me with a Valentine’s Day lunch and that was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, I will never forget that kindness). After that, I started telling other close friends, my family and my co-workers. I have received some of the most beautiful hand-written cards, one friend sent me flowers to my office, another sent me a beautiful book about getting through hard times and many people check in on me regularly to see how I am. I appreciate the love and support so much and feel deeply lucky to have such incredible people in my life.