So, here’s the thing. When I met my husband 17 years ago he very quickly became my leading man. We both had these BIG energies ~ we were both determined, ambitious, and both could do whatever we put our minds to. In one of my very first love notes to him I wrote “I think we could be a very formidable team.” We were both superstars in our work environments and then when we went into business for ourselves it only took 6 months for us to become very successful. We even had a popular radio show for three years.
And we were both so entirely devoted to each other, as well. So, so deeply and sweetly in love. We would go to bed together, rise in the morning together, we did EVERYTHING together. We even read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sentences. When friends and co-workers would complain about their husbands, I had nothing to contribute. Our relationship was perfect.
And then….can you guess what happened?
Bingo! We had KIDS!
Oh, it’s so cliche, so stereo-typical. I’m even embarrassed to be amongst the women who relegate their husbands to the back-burner when the first baby is born. But that’s what I did. And with much aplomb.
I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t planned. And it was even one of the things I SWORE I would never do. But it happened gradually…so gradually that I didn’t even realize how much everything had changed until awhile later.
You see, I was overwhelmed with Motherhood. I fiercely loved my baby, but I was totally unprepared for how all-consuming mothering a newborn would be. My husband’s role quickly changed from leading man to “the guy who will give me a break from my baby.”
If I’m honest with myself I would say that Motherhood put me in self-preservation mode. And if I’m really honest with myself I would say that 10 years and 3 kids later I’m STILL in self-perservation mode. As a home-schooling, attachment parent I’m with my kids 24/7… perhaps a little self-preservation is necessary…but certainly not as a detriment to my relationship with my husband.
You see another thing has happened since my husband was demoted from leading man to a supporting cast member: we fight about money. Often. Also SO fucking cliche and stereotypical that it makes me sick. And yet I know these two things are entirely inter-related. Our RELATIONSHIP was the source of our great success. Our RELATIONSHIP is what used to fill us up and sustain us. Perhaps if I hadn’t put him so far back in line for attention, love, and appreciation from me I wouldn’t have NEEDED to go in self-preservation mode because I would have had US to fall back on.
But there’s no sense in regrets or “what-might-have-been’s.” And the truth is we’re not too far gone. Many, many times over the years we have both made efforts to bring our relationship back to the forefront. Sometimes we would fall back in love for days, sometimes for weeks, or even months. It’s these past efforts that lets me know there is still so much LOVE and MAGIC between us if we choose to cultivate it. At times we can still read each other’s minds and finish each others sentences. I still light up when he walks in the room. And he’s still the person who makes me laugh like no one else.
So, this is the deal: after yet another fight about money last night I decided that I’m ready to live a different life now. I’m ready to live a life that is BIG, BEAUTIFUL, MAGICAL, ADVENTUROUS, WILDLY ABUNDANT, AND WILDLY CREATIVE. I’ve been doing so much inner work over the years, released and cleared so much past patterning and habits, and made so much space for new energy that I KNOW it is time for Part 2 in the “Adventures of Kate Street.” But I can’t do it alone. I need my leading man back. And we both need equal billing. How to fully go about it I’m not entirely sure, but I know the answers will unfold as we need them.
So, with you as my witness, Dear Reader, today I vow to be a TRUE PARTNER to my husband, Graeme. “Graeme, I promise to love you unconditionally in your strengths and weaknesses. I promise to turn down the heat before going to bed. I promise to always have your favorite coffee on hand and that the sugar bowl will always be filled. I vow to be your biggest cheerleader and most enthusiastic supporter. And I vow to fall in love with you all over again and for the first time in an entirely new way. I promise to never take myself or life too seriously and that I will always being willing to play and laugh. And I promise, promise, promise that from this day forward you will always, always be my leading man.”
Welcome to the “New and Improved and Wildly Playful Adventures of Graeme and Kate Street.”
Happy Magical Monday. ♥