Being a woman and a mother has so many wonderful events, characteristics and things associated with our gender. Probably one the most defining differences we have between man and woman is that wonderful thing we call a menstrual cycle. The thing I refer to as “Aunt Flow” who likes to come and ruin every new pair of underwear I purchase. While I was in the restroom at work trying to contain aunt flow and hopefully not ruin my pants I started to think about how my view of her has changed over the years and most likely will continue to. So I give to you the different views/stages I have as a woman, and mother  had over the years about my period.

Age 15: God why do I not have my period! Every other girl does?! Period equals boobs and goddammit I want some boobs.

I want my period like every other girl!

I want my period like every other girl!

Age 16: Holy shit I got my period. NOW What? What is this tampon thing? Looks like a toilet roll that has to go WHERE? Scented? Why would I want my vagina scented? Oh god maybe I do? Better to smell like a batch of roses than a butcher shop?

What are these tampon things?

What are these tampon things?

Age 21: PLEASE God, Buddha, Allah, Alien God let me get my period every month. Must be safe and get birth control, and pull out method. I’m a day late….WTF HOLY shit this can’t be happening?! Oh thank god, just ruined another pair of underwear. Why do I even buy nice lingerie? Screw off Victoria Secret.

Please be negative, please be negative...

Please be negative, please be negative…

Age 29: PLEASE God, Buddha Allah, Alien God let me not get my period. I want a baby so bad. I have been having sex everyday for months. Stop messing with me. Isn’t all this bullshit I go through monthly to have this god damn creation of life happen! Come on sperm and egg lets get it together!

Why won't you get knocked up! COME ON

Why won’t you get knocked up! COME ON

Age 33: Aunt flow you are so evil. You came back with a vengeance after I had a kid or two and you love to make my life as a mother and career woman just awful. As if I am not already a tired, cranky bitch sometimes. Thanks for reminding me why I hated you in the first place.

So much worse after not having it for awhile...

So much worse after not having it for awhile…

This is where I am now at the age of 33 but I have a feeling I will have the following view about Menopause:

We have been through Aunt Flow! Please don't leave me!

We have been through Aunt Flow! Please don’t leave me!