I’ve been listening to music pretty much every day on my walks or runs and I’ve found that I keep hitting repeat, over and over, on the song I Am Not a Robot by Marina and the Diamonds. I’ve been going through a lot of change in my life as my husband and I continue the divorce process and something about this song just hits me every time I listen to it.

It’s okay to say you’ve got a weak spot
You don’t always have to be on top

I have a hard time with negative emotions. I don’t like feeling angry or resentful because those emotions only make me feel worse and really impact my ability to feel inner peace. I believe in my soul that being compassionate and kind are two of the most important values in life.  So, it’s tough for me to admit that during this process of getting divorced I’ve had times when I’ve let my anger overshadow my desire to be compassionate. But I do have a weak spot, many weak spots in fact, and I don’t always have to be perfect. Divorce is always difficult for everyone involved so I’m trying to cut myself some slack.

You’re vulnerable, you’re vulnerable
You are not a robot
You’re lovable, so lovable
But you’re just troubled

There’s something about going through divorce that makes me feel vulnerable. What do other people think about me getting divorced? Do people think there’s something wrong with me, that I didn’t give my all to my marriage? Will I ever be loved by another person again? I do have moments where I have questions like that playing on repeat in my head. And I’ve learned, with a little help from my friends, that it’s OK to have those thoughts and it’s OK to feel however I’m feeling. If I do what I always tend to do and try to ignore the fact that I’m feeling sad, down or upset, I’m not going to be able to move past those feelings.

But if I recognize and accept the roller coaster of emotions that I have, I can ultimately let them go. Being broken open in this way is scary but it’s also a time to learn about myself and to grow. So far I’ve been learning that it’s important to remember the kind of person that I want to be and to strive to live in a way that is true to my values, even when times are hard. And if I mess up, it’s all part of the learning process.

Guess what? I’m not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I’m not a robot, a robot

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