This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. This time two years ago, we happened to be right in the middle of our IVF cycle. The struggle of infertility was not just fresh in our minds, but rather it was something we were living and breathing every day, with every injection given and received. This time two years ago, I talked about Infertility Awareness Week to spread the word, changed my Facebook cover photo to promote awareness and, heck, I even had a piece published in the Huffington Post in honor of the week.  This year?  If a friend hadn’t pointed it out, I would have missed it entirely. 

It’s not that I’ve forgotten about our infertility, not by any means. In fact, it’s been on my mind more often recently.

I remember back when we were trying to get pregnant, how I felt when my friends would proudly post their pregnancy announcements, ultrasound pictures and new baby photos–jealous, sad, angry, resentful.     Infertility has a way of turning others’ happy news into a mood-ruiner for those affected. Then, of course, we did get pregnant and it was my turn to update my Facebook newsfeed with all things baby. Suddenly, when friends would announce their own pregnancies I didn’t resent them; I was actually happy for them. There was a long time when I was able to share in my friends’ joy.

Until recently, it seems. Many of my friends who had their first babies around the time I had Lenny are now starting to announce their second pregnancies. And here I go again, feeling the sting of infertility. Knowing that so much more needs to come into play before we can even begin “trying” for another baby. That we can’t just decide one day that we’re ready and “let’s just see what happens.”  That we can’t celebrate an unexpected surprise.

For us, the possibility of a second baby is uncertain. We have a frozen embryo, but we don’t have the insurance coverage to do anything with it quite yet. We have a third bedroom, but no clear way how we can fill it.

What we do have is Lenny, and each other. I’m grateful every day for my family, exactly the way we are. I might not be able to help how I react towards the news of others’ second pregnancies, but I can do this: this week, I’ll commemorate National Infertility Awareness Week by remembering our struggles, counting my blessings and giving extra snuggles to my special boy. Our family of three is the perfect size for this week.