Around Mother’s Day, I like to talk about moms: my wonderful mom, being a mom, being surrounded by amazing moms, etc. Two years ago, I posted about my mom and I can’t top that ode to her. I’ve also posted about our life as moms, especially in a two mom family.
To me, having a two mom household is special and sometimes I’m torn between emphasizing how special it is and just wanted to say “what’s the big deal, we’re no different than anyone else.”
But I do want to recognize and be totally honest that Lo and I did have fears when we talked about having kids. We worried about judgment, we worried about how people would treat us, and more importantly, how the world would treat our kids. We worried about our legal rights as parents (we had heard – even experienced our own – horror stories about gay parents and visitation/custody/medical treatment rights). I think those fears have waned a bit, but I’m still not completely naïve – I know it won’t be smooth sailing 100% of the time for my boys as they disclose to new friends and acquaintances that they have 2 moms instead of a mom and a dad. I’m still a little terrified about how their moms being gay may cause people to hurt them now or later in life.
I’ve had some thoughts here and there about my boys not having a father and I’ve always dismissed them (see my “Dadless” post). Then this article came out recently about a grown child of a lesbian couple who feels cheated by not having a father. It hasn’t changed my perspective on how full and complete our family is, but it definitely had me thinking about how we address the questions about daddies. I don’t think we are dismissive of our boys’ questions and I don’t think we blow sunshine at them by saying that 2 moms are better or make up for anything. I think we have something special whereas both my wife and I have different styles, personalities and hobbies that give the boys 2 complete, loving parents which is, I believe, above the curve in this world.
This article about a lesbian couple that went viral recently has really had me thinking about how my boys may just be growing up in a world where having 2 mommies isn’t something so shocking, surprising or worthy of much discussion. It also made me think about something that I think it very cool for our boys – We both are biological moms. I remember our OB/GYN doc (who we love) thought it was awesome that we would both go through pregnancy and delivery. “You have the amazing benefit of knowing what your partner is going through – do you know how many patients I have that would give anything for their husbands to feel what pregnancy and delivery is really like???” Only, this backfired a little on me because Lo was on strict bed rest for 8 weeks of her pregnancy and had a drug-free, back labor, quick delivery when Drew was born. When I had morning sickness and a similar drug-free delivery, I don’t think she was as sympathetic as I’d hoped. She knew it sucked and how painful it was, but I still didn’t have to deal with the bed rest!
I’m truly blessed to have this amazing family. I have 2 incredible little boys that are so perfect with all of their flaws. I am married (yes, legally married) to the best mom, friend and partner that I could have ever imagined. I am often in awe of how I have found the ‘yin to my yang’ and how she continues to stick around!
I really truly believe that our boys have a great set of parents who want to be the best parents they can be, continuously work on connection and support and love them every second of every day. We have unique things and stories to offer our kids and I can’t spend time worrying about what they could be missing. We do have our own parent titles. My boys have a “Mommy” (me) and a “Momma” (Lo). Sometimes one of them will call “Momma”, look up at me and say “Oh, Mommy!” I’m assuming this will shift a little as they get older, maybe reverting to “Mom” and “Ma” since I’ve been realizing that Drew is getting to the age that yelling “Mommy” across the baseball field isn’t cool anymore.
Happy Mother’s (and Mothers’) Day to all of the moms out there! We are all wading through the waters of parenting together and, at the end of the day, the family make-up, personalities, sexual orientation, jobs, interests, etc. shouldn’t really ever matter. A mom is a mom is a mom. And I honestly think my boys are lucky to have 2 moms!