It all started this winter when I started unsubscribing from email lists. I didn’t plan it, it just felt right. It became a bit addicting ~ with every email I’d receive I’d go to the bottom of the page and joyfully click “unsubscribe.” It felt similar to the physical purging I engaged in when decluttering and clearing out my house ~ just getting rid of all the stuff that didn’t FEEL GOOD anymore.
Then two months ago I stopped visiting Facebook and unsubscribed from all their notifications. This was also around the time that I decided to recommit myself to making my husband my leading man again. Coincidence? Probably not. It wasn’t a conscious decision to “pay more attention to my husband than the internet,” but that’s certainly what ended up happening.
The past few months have been a natural, organic process of getting rid of all the outside distractions so I can pay attention to what’s right in front of me. My sole focus has been my family and upleveling our relationships and home-life. And it’s been really, really good. Hubby and I are enjoying a new sense of partnership and intimacy, we have more energy for our boys and we’re doing new, fun, and different things for them. We are more patient. There’s more harmony. To sum it up: I’ve simply been more present. More present with my family, yes. But especially more present with myself.
Because a funny thing happens when you start whittling down your internet use….you start getting less validation from outside sources. After unsubscribing from all my lists and from Facebook, the emails coming into my in-box dropped dramatically from approximately 100+ emails a day to less than a dozen. That was a lot of people not paying attention to me anymore. I hadn’t realized how often throughout my day, I’d squeak in a peek at my email to see what someone had to say to me or about me. Outside validation ~ it can be like crack cocaine (I’m assuming. I’ve never actually tried crack cocaine….).
So I started doing something else whenever I’d find myself veering to my computer in between playing with the boys and feeding them yet again ~ I started validating myself. Each time I started that little trek to the computer, I’d say to myself “I love myself madly and approve of myself wildly!” It’s become one of my favorite catch-phrases. I use it when I’m feeling good, I use it when I feel like a screaming bitch, and I use it for all the other moods in between. And with this, I’ve given myself the gift of unconditional love. With unconditional love, I don’t need outside validation. I’m now the best friend I could ever have.
But there’s more. There’s so much more. Rekindling, or more accurately, reinventing my love with my hubby has been amazing. I don’t have the appropriate words to express this, but in fully LOVING my hubby and just BEING THERE FOR HIM in all moods at all times….it’s like being fully engaged in LIFE. If we can LOVE fully, we can LIVE fully. And that’s what it feels like ~ a blooming into love and into life.
Past struggles now have new insights. Life-long battles (like with body image) have just stopped. Old limitations are falling away making room for dramatic new expansions. My senses are heightened, my intuition is incredibly strong, and my vision for our future is beyond magical.
There is a brand new life blossoming into reality for me right now. And even though I’ve only gotten a few glimpses so far, it’s a life that I’m fully committed to because it’s a life I’ve both always wanted and never even dreamed of before.
I don’t have all the details about this life I’m stepping into, but I do know a few things about it ~ it’s not going to happen on the computer. It’s not going to happen on the internet. And it’s definitely not going to happen on Facebook.
So this has been a bittersweet time for me as I say my internet goodbyes. Last week I deactivated my Facebook account. A few days ago I filmed my last video for Love From Baby. And today, right now, I say goodbye to my beloved CTworkingmoms.com sisterhood. It’s been an amazing experience being a part of this community. I’m grateful for every word I’ve written here and read here. And I will hold each one of you in my heart as I move on.
I have to be honest and admit, this is a scary step. I’m killing my on-line persona (and she’s been pretty freakin’ cool) and stepping into a void. But I also know it’s the right thing. As I turn away from my computer, I turn to look more fully at what’s right in front of me…and I can’t wait to see what it shapes into.
I love you. Happy Magical Monday. ♥