I am going to give you my realness right here and right now when it comes to being a single mother and trying to date. I am only speaking from my own personal experience. I am not saying that dating as a single mother is a nightmare for everyone….it just has been for me ( insert the perfect emoji face).
Let me first say that dating without a child was no picnic either. I was often met with surprise and questions of why I did not have children. Feeling backed into a corner having to explain my personal situation was a challenge and was not fun. Why me being single without a child was considered odd begs to question the nature of our society…. but that is a subject for another time.
Here I am today (only having three years experience dating as a single parent) and it seems so much worse now…if that is at all possible (laughing to myself right now). I really feel like throwing in the towel half the time and saying “FUCK IT!” Trying to work and take care of my son on my own is tough, and trying to find balance is more than a full-time job. I love being a mom and would never ever give up for anything in the world, and because of that, my dating experience has changed.
As all of you know, having children changes every single thought, behavior, and choice that we once had and forces us into some new world. And it is scary. No matter what anyone’s situation, it is scary raising a child. Being responsible for creating a person with a well-adjusted life in order for them to grow up and become successful is a constant source of worry. I’m generalizing here, but moms with partners have the luxury of not having to carry that burden alone.
Being a single parent trying to find that “special” person to love and respect you AND your child is exhausting. Many say that I should just focus on my son and being a good mom and forget about dating. However, being a mother does not take away the need to feel feminine. I could become a master at my work and become a supermom, but I still desire companionship and everything that comes with it.
Now that I have a child, my dating standards have changed. Everything I do and every choice I make affects my child. I approach everything with my child in mind. Including making the choice of what kind of partner I choose to have in my life. And let me tell you ladies….the pickings are very, very, very slim, comical even (again…laughing to myself). And let me tell you, the stories I have can make a very entertaining book.
Bottom line…dating as a single mom sucks!
There are the basics to consider, such as finding the time, finding a trusted sitter, and developing the energy to get all dolled up to go out. As a working mom, who the hell has time for all that? Beyond that, one has to assess if the person you are considering is even worthy of being trusted around your child. Yeah, that’s a BIG one. Having to “evaluate” someone does not seem natural, but it has to be done. The freedom of that natural attraction and butterflies of meeting someone is now lost. Its become a checklist of pros, cons and background checks.
I wish I had an antidote at this time, but I don’t…..it’s just a work in progress.