Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to tonight’s event. We have an exciting matchup this evening that’s been a long time in the making. These two opponents have what can only be described as an intriguing history with one another. The lightweight contender, Justus “Juggy” Hendrickson, considered by many the underdog, has begun a transformation in the recent weeks that will make this battle with Jackson “Jackaroni” Hendrickson closer than ever before. Earlier today I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with each of them and get their thoughts on the upcoming match.
I spoke first with the current title holder, Jackaroni, who, in an extremely emotional interview, explained his motivation. This champ is driven every day by his love of Matchbox cars. Folks, let me explain here. Jackaroni has had an affinity for his “little cars” for years. He likes to line them up, race them, and make garages and parking lots for them. He is very particular about what cars go where, and in which direction they are facing. It is imperative that the cars be lined up perfectly straight. Jackaroni and his little cars lived a peaceful, undisturbed existence until one day, seemingly out of the blue, a chubby little waddling kid came along, marched right up to the flawlessly aligned cars and swiped them away with a loud cry. Without even a second glance. Without even an apology. Jackaroni, in a previous interview was quoted as saying “Juggy ruins everything.” Those are some deep seeded emotions Ladies and Gentlemen. Jackaroni ended the interview abruptly because he “had to go potty” but before he left he tearfully vowed to avenge Lightening McQueen who, as a result of Juggy’s irreverent actions, vanished into a dark abyss known as “under the couch” never to be seen or heard from again.
I then had the privilege of speaking with the challenger, Juggy. Folks, let me tell you, he is not much of a conversationalist, but he did make it very clear that his ultimate motivation in all of this is obtaining the elusive Sippy-Cup-with-the-red-top. Communicating through grunts, vehement head-shaking and finger-pointing he let me know he was determined to drink ONLY from the Sippy-Cup-with-the-red-top, despite it not belonging to him. The ongoing feud over the Sippy-Cup-with-the-red-top has resulted in pushing, shoving, screaming, and sometimes even the bloody lip or two, but in spite of being the underdog, this kid has conviction. Every time he gets knocked down, he gets right back up. Sippy-Cup-with-the-red-top is that important to him. He may be considered a long shot, but don’t count him out just yet folks. This kid has a lot of heart and a lot riding on this fight.
Now the time has come for these two longtime rivals to settle their disputes for once and for all. Here we go…
Introducing first from the blue corner, weighing in at 38 pounds, he hails from the East Side of the house and the past four consecutive years he has been considered the dominant contender, with the majority of his wins leaving his opponent in tears. Let’s welcome the current HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE HOUSE…Jackson “Jackaroni” Hendrickson!
And from the red corner, weighing in at 23 pounds, coming from the West Side of the house, a seasoned fighter, albeit with few wins under his belt, the lightweight challenger, introducing…Justus “Juggy” Hendrickson!
Ok fellas, I wanna see a clean fight. Eh, who am I kidding, just no blood or broken bones, ok?
Round one is underway here as these two go at it without hesitation. Jackaroni has the immediate upper hand as he throws Juggy to the ground. Per usual, Juggy pops back up and pummels Jackaroni. Wait a second, what’s going on here? Is that…? Is that laughing? I can’t believe what I’m seeing here folks. You won’t believe this but I think …wait a second, yes, it’s been confirmed…they are laughing...and wait…hugging? I’ve never seen anything like this; this is completely unheard of!
After the match ended in an unprecedented truce (the deal sealed with hugs and post-match snuggles), Jackaroni was questioned about the unusual turn of events. He shrugged and said “He’s my brother” and as if things couldn’t get any stranger, he purportedly handed Juggy a Matchbox car in a gesture of peace. It’s also been rumored that the two have been sighted sharing the Sippy-Cup-with-the-red-top. So there you have it. This fight is one for the record books for sure. Ladies and Gentelmen, what you’ve just witnessed here this evening is truly history in the making. History in the making.