Oh, Scary Mommy.  There you go again, just tellin’ it like it is with your witty, and absolutely BRILLIANT e-card finds.  I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank the powers that be for the creation of the internet and for flipping hilarious moms out there who give us these wise and wonderful gems on the daily.  Had it not been for the Sh*tty Moms posting this to their Instagram account, I would have been relegated to hanging my head in shame this week.

Can we talk about my Monday morning for just a minute?  We can? Great. Thanks.  I’ll make you feel that much better about YOUR Monday morning after you hear about MY Monday morning.  Here’s how it went down:

-little bit of background- Jake had a field trip lined up for Monday.  The annual visit to the Pumpkin Patch- probably his most favorite event in his preschool career.  But here’s the catch- he had to be at school and ready to board the bus at 8:00 on the DOT.  We have been arriving at school any time between 8:00 and 8:20, with the 8:00 being on the end of performing miracles and in the category of on a wing and a prayer.  So going into this, I KNEW Monday morning would be tough, but doable.  The night before I laid out both of the kids’ outfits, and lunch boxes were ready to go, just having to throw in the refrigeratables on the way out the door in the morning.  My alarm was set for 5:50 for my morning run, we put the kids to bed at 8:00, and then Mike and I settled in to watch the Patriots cream the Colts.


Of course Mike and I stayed up way too late, on a school night, no less, and of course I hit the snooze button on my iPhone way too many times the next morning, completely forgetting about the field trip and the morning’s hasty time schedule.  I headed downstairs to my beloved treadmill and began my 6 mile run, settling in with NBC Connecticut and the Today Show.  Oh, about 5 miles in with 1 to go, my mind started wandering about what I was going to wear that day, any meetings I may have at the office that day, and if I needed to run to the grocery store in the morning before work.  BEFORE WORK… Did I have to do anything BEFORE WORK….


I quickly found the time on the bottom of the TV screen, realized I had about 15 minutes to head upstairs, throw clothes on the kids, shove a squeeze applesauce and cereal bar in their hands and get the hell in the car.  (Fortunately we live only about 5 minutes from school, and YES I’ve clocked this before for other such crazed situations).  #BLESSED.

In case you were wondering if I left anything out of that little check list up there, yes, yes I did.  I’ll wait while you re-read it to see what’s missing.  Don’t worry- I’ll still be here when you get back.  OK?  Read it again? You found something missing from that scenario?  Yep.  My flipping shower!

It was a harem scarem morning for us in the Schweitzer House- Jake had already gotten up and Mike poured him a bowl of Cheerios and milk, so he had his breakfast down.  I ran up the stairs, declared, “It’s FIELD TRIP DAY!! YAY!!! LET’S GET DRESSED!”  Normally, this would be greeted with a pouty face and, a protest to watch another Paw Patrol episode, but thankfully he was so excited about the Pumpkin Patch that he jumped up and down and YAY!!!-ed along with me.  I then ran upstairs to wake Livvy and get her dressed- check! Grabbed Jake’s clothes and got him dressed back downstairs, grabbed lunch boxes, my keys and bag, and loaded every one, and every thing into the car and OMG arrived at school at 7:59, while yes, still wearing my running gear.

As I was pulling into the parking lot, I spied one of my favorite mom friends and spilled my True Confessions to her and her husband.  Yep. real life, here, everyone!

After dropping each of the kids off in their respective classrooms, with their lunch boxes in tow, I said a little prayer that no one could notice (much) that I was fresh off of a run, but WOULD notice that Jake was on time for his field trip, got back in my car, headed home, and YES.  Took a hot shower, got dressed, and headed into work.  Oh, Scary Mommy and the Sh*tty Moms- you were right there when I needed you this week!  Proving once again I’m not alone in this Motherhood thing, and that nothing that I’ve done hasn’t been done before!  #MOMLIFE