If you’ve been following my recent posts, you know that most days I feel desperate to wean Lenny and end our breastfeeding relationship. I’ve been the one initiating the weaning process, and arguably the most vocal about it.  This is my decision and I should be happy. So why does this feel like a bad breakup instead?

Just thinking about ending our breastfeeding relationship is enough to make me emotional. Despite wanting to stop, it’s a little hard to imagine breastfeeding not being a part of our lives. I never in a million years thought we’d make it this long, and I’m pretty proud of it. But, just like a lot of relationships, this one has almost run its course, and Lenny and I will have to find other ways to connect.

One of the hardest things at the moment is bringing myself to dump my freezer stash of pumped milk. Mind you, there’s not much in there–I was never able to produce much while pumping, and this stash was mostly accumulated on the occasion that Lenny stayed overnight at grandma’s house. All in all, probably about 20 ounces. The decision to toss it was made long ago (it’s already past the point of freshness), and keeping it isn’t even practical, but I just can’t summon the courage to actually do it. Over the holidays I had moved it from the freezer to the fridge in order to make room for some leftovers. But I just couldn’t dump it quite yet. So, there it still sits, in my refrigerator, less fresh by the day and yet I still can’t commit to letting it go.

Today is New Year’s Day, the start of a new year. I think today is the day I dump my stash, and start the new year with a giant step towards fully weaning. Breaking up is never easy, but I think it’s time to get dumped.