There are so many great things about being a mom. In fact, being a mom is now one of my favorite ways to identify myself. I feel a sense of in-explainable pride when talking about my children to other people. Sure, millions and millions and millions of other women are moms too, but sometimes I just feel like the most special woman in the world because I am a mom to these two special little boys. It really is magical.
Let’s get real for a minute here. Sometimes, I simply hate being a mom though. The desire to write this blog post came in and incredibly frustrating moment for me as I was ‘moming’ after work yesterday. Maybe this is a bias post because of the way I was feeling in that moment, but damn, do I really hate being a mom sometimes.
I look forward to picking my kids up from daycare each and every day. I get a physical excitement within me, which makes me anxious to get there and see them. My oldest is 3, and the joy that comes across his face when he sees me (as he sprints across the room) is like no feeling I have ever experienced before. We get the baby, get out to the car, and then all hell breaks loose.
It is obvious to me in this moment that he has held his emotions together all day long, and waited until he gets with me to let them all out. His teacher always reports he is one of the best in class, and she is surprised how easy his transitions to the new daycare (if you have read any of my past posts you will understand we switched daycare back in February) have been in the beginning and after being out for the summer. He almost instantly starts crying about something. It could be that the sun is getting in his eyes, or as he calls it, “the sun is getting me,” he wants a snack that I don’t have, or he has dropped his toy on the ground. You try explaining to a 3-year-old that you cannot reach for it because you are driving the car and it is unsafe. My heart and my brain tell me to cut him some slack, its been a long day, he knows he is safe letting out his emotions with me.
But after two hours of constant crying and whining, I have just had enough. I just want to crawl into a dark room and hide in my bed. And take a nap. I would also like to take a nap once in a while. But seriously, I try every approach I can think of, in hopes to calm him down, so I can calm down, and we can just have a nice time together. I try the calm, let’s talk through your feelings approach, I have tried to redirect, ignore him, put him in time out, yelled at him, put him to bed. It just does not work, and in that moment, I just hate being a mom. Maybe it is a sense of failure, a sense of “why won’t he just listen to me,” frustration, anger, sadness. All of the above?
Sometimes I just want things to be easy. He has had a long day, I have had a long day. I just want to love him, and cuddle him, and enjoy his company. But the constant whining and crying can make anyone go insane. I think he has lost control in those moments, but maybe it’s that we both have. This too will pass, as every stage does. Even just writing this made me feel better, and reminded me that I love him no matter what, in the good, bad, and the ugly times too. I am just doing the best I can.