I am often asking my boys: “Where is the love?!”.  By ignoring me and making me work for each and every ounce of affection offered, they have turned me into the needy girlfriend who looks for constant affirmations that her boyfriend still likes her, that she’s cool enough, that she’s fun enough….

I think I’m going to be left hanging on for some time.

In the not so distant past, they were Mama’s boys.  Now, I barely get a backwards hug (i.e. a hug with zero participation from one party in which he backs into you, does not actually put his arms around you and waits for hug completion.)  Zachary still wants to “snuggle”, but in doing so, I am agreeing to participate in a wrestling match which is cool I guess, as it does provide me with a quick flashback into what it was like growing up with three brothers.  On the other hand, it won’t be long until the tables turn and he’s got the upper hand.

I spent the fall and early winter volunteering once a week in Zac’s library class. I was tasked with sorting books and restocking shelves.  My lifelong dream of being a librarian was finally realized as I was given the chance to check out the students’ weekly book selections, always with an enthusiastic comment:  “Oooh, Elephant and Piggie, good choice!!”.  (That sentence is laced with ZERO sarcasm.)  I truly enjoyed chatting with the teachers, meeting his friends and observing their interactions.  It was lovely.  As January arrived, Zac informed me that I could go to library if I wanted to, but I didn’t have to.  Wait, what?  I pressed a bit more:

Me: Do you want me to go?

Z: If you want to.

Me: Wasn’t it funny to read about Those Darn Squirrels?  Mommy, doesn’t have to work on Fridays which means I can come to library with you….

Do you want me to go?

Z: I want to say no, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings sooo maybe, yes? Only if you want to…

Me: Sigh.

I have not been back to library class in 2017.

In other heart breaking news, I asked Noah a very important question…

His response was:  “Middle”.  Noah explained that “middle” means he would say “yes” if I stopped asking him.  ::cue side eye::  Seems like he has taken to the approach of fibbing to avoid hurting my feelings similar to that of his brother.

He also drew this for me:

I was promised that this portrait was NOT a representation of his ever adoring mother; however, the blood trickling from the monster’s mouth doesn’t give me the warm and fuzzy feeling I was looking for.

Again, sigh.

For the record, I currently hold the title of Eliza’s Best Friend. For now anyway.

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