I called into work sick today, can’t remember the last time I’ve done that. But am I sick or am I just really tired? Like really really, bone dry tired, so tired I can’t move off this couch and too tired to be bothered with changing the show to something more appropriate for an almost 40 something. So instead of working through the enormous pile of work waiting for me, I rescheduled all my meetings and am binge watching bad shows on Netflix and ordering Chinese food to be delivered for lunch.
Do I feel guilty? I probably should. But I don’t. I know that when I get this tired, I need to do something otherwise I’ll burn out and not in a permanent way. And since I can’t change jobs right now, too many people depending on me – I’m tuning out for at least 8 hours.
The pressure has been overwhelming lately. Suffocating. I’m doing my best for my family, for the employees who I’m responsible for, the company I work for and yet it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Maybe I should exercise to work off my stress, maybe I should be eating healthier, maybe I should get more sleep, maybe I should dress like the grown up I’m supposed to be, maybe I should take better care of myself and make that doctors appointment I’ve been pushing off for 2 months.
But for today, I’m calling out sick and I’d rather lose myself in this ridiculous TV show and some beef & broccoli. Guilt free. Because every mom deserves 8 hours to herself every once in a while to do whatever she wants.