This time of year our social media feeds are filled with photos of children preparing to go back to school. If you’re like me, seeing the backpacks and supplies each child has chosen brings you some sense of joy. I love seeing these photos. Correction. Loved. Year after year I’d see these photos and it would warm my heart but this year every image has only added another knot in my stomach. Why? This year I would be sending my son off to school for the VERY FIRST TIME. How did this happen? Where did the time go? What am I going to do? Is Elijah really starting Kindergarten? These same questions have been cycling through my mind so much that I’m dizzy just thinking about it.

Am I the only one?
No?
You too?
Okay, great!

This seems so small and yet it’s so much to take in, so much to process. I process by writing. Since Elijah was little I’ve kept a journal for him, the pages are filled with little love letters. Last night I grabbed that journal and started to write, these are the words that filled the empty page…

 

Dear Elijah,

Monday you will begin a new chapter of your life. This chapter is called Kindergarten. The weeks leading up to this we took you to buy new clothes and shoes and supplies. You insisted on ALL red sneakers and an ALL red backpack. During our first trip to Target you asked for super hero supplies only to change your mind to firetrucks. You woke up every morning eagerly reminding us of the number of days until you started school. With your incredible imagination you formed these vivid visions of what your days in school would be like, your teacher, your classroom, your classmates, your worksheets and artworks, sometimes even the weather. Tonight we took you to your school’s meet and greet. When we arrived at the school the look on your face was priceless. You dashed for the door and was eager to find your classroom. Seeing your teacher and classmates for the first time obviously overwhelmed you, but in a good way. You didn’t want to leave. After tonight, there is no doubt in my mind that you are ready. Truthfully, you’ve been ready for weeks, maybe even months. But Mommy hasn’t. In fact, tonight was very hard for me. You see, when I look at you I still see the six pound baby that the doctor laid on my chest. Yet here you are, my five year old. It’s shocking to see how quickly seasons of life have gone by. When did I become so busy JUST living that phases have come and gone before I even had a moment to realize it? Today, I’m making a conscious choice to enjoy every second, to stop and appreciate it, whatever it may be. Even if it is you growing up. On Monday you will begin a new chapter of your life. This chapter is called Kindergarten. It marks the beginning of the man you will one day become. So go. Go and spread your light and your love. Leave your imprint in this world. 

Love,
Mommy 

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