“Simply let them play. Just chill. Odds are high that your children will never be truly exceptional in any field, guaranteed your children will be God awful in more endeavors than not. In most ways on most days for most kids much of their lives will be spent within spitting distance of mediocrity. Average Joe’s and Jane’s. We should refashion parenthood by tolerating play, pain and failure. We should measure our children not by the mountains they conquer but by their efforts to climb. Oh, and let them pick which hills to scale.” Ron Fornier, “Love That Boy: WHAT TWO PRESIDENTS, EIGHT ROAD TRIPS, AND MY SON TAUGHT BE ABOUT A PARENT’S EXPECTATIONS” I’ve had another epiphany regarding parenting. Maybe most of you already know this, but I didn’t really KNOW it yet. My newest lesson is: I need to chill the f%&* out when it comes to my expectations of my kids. Seriously. I read (listen to) books every day in the car during my 2-3 hour daily commute. I alternate between fiction and non-fiction. Sometimes, I listen to books that really teach me something I want to share with as many people as possible, but I worry it is so preachy. Well, it may be preachy, but I don’t care. This post is a pseudo book review of Ron Fornier’s book “Love That Boy” and I can’t wait...Read More
Author: Holly Robinson
I’ve had a sudden onset of migraines the past few months and while I’m working on the medical investigation part of it, I’ve had friends ask me, “could it be stress?” I keep saying, “no, how can it be stress? I have no more stress than usual.” And that’s fairly true. When this all started, life was status quo. I didn’t have any huge money concerns (other than the usual), no big relationship issues, no big work projects dumped on me, no major crises in my family or work life….it was just my usual everyday craziness. My status quo is a little stressful, but nothing major has changed. However, I’ve noticed that I’ve been on edge and more easily frustrated recently. I feel that I’m not so laid back lately and things are getting to be easily and quickly. And I don’t think that’s the normal me, but I could be wrong. I feel like a frying pan. I envision a skillet filled with oil. It’s constantly on a high temperature, only taking a little teeny item to make it sizzle and spew grease everywhere. I need to fix it. I need to cool that oil down. I’m not talking about taking a day off work to play golf or a “mental health day” to go to the spa. I’m talking about 5 minutes. Just 5-10 minutes every day....Read More
There are some parents that would move heaven and earth to see their kids play in every single event. Whether it be theater, music, sports, etc., many parents want to watch every. single. moment. I get that. I’m one of those moms. Our children grow ridiculously fast and it pains us parents to think about missing moments, especially big ones. I want to be on the sidelines to cheer for my boy and his team. I want to help motivate him/them when the going gets tough. I want to watch the great moments and carve them into my brain so I can remind him of this when he’s older. But I’m ready to take a step back. Reason # 1 – Me I am a mom. I have a job. I’m the primary breadwinner. I drive 60-80 minutes each way to work and work 8+ hour days. I am on our city board of education. I am on other volunteer boards in our area. I play golf and co-ed softball (sometimes). I blog for CTWorkingMoms. I have friends that I try to help and spend some time with occasionally. I want to do all of these other things. And I want to be able to focus my best energy and full attention at all of these other things. That means, sometimes things have to give. I cannot leave...Read More
I think and overthink my mothering all of the time. Am I too hard on them? Do I pay enough attention to them? Do I judge too quickly? Do I show my pride? Do I make them feel badly that they don’t have an artsy mom who bakes? Are they bummed about not having a dad? I’m not super cool, I’m not trendy, I’m not a fashionable or super crazy fun mom. I’m a mom who works a lot, over-commits her time to things, is terrible at budgeting, gets too anxious at ball games sometimes….I’m imperfect in so many ways. I worry about the long term affect of so many things, big or small. It’s ridiculous, this being responsible for the growth, development, well-being, safety and sanity of another human being. Sometimes, I think that having soon-to-be-20-yr-old twin stepdaughters has taught me something. And, I realize it truly has. Because I couldn’t give them much as a “parent”. But I think we did what we could and learned that the one thing we did give was love, belonging and connection. We promised them we’d always be here and we’d listen to them as judgment-free as possible (not an easy task and I wasn’t always successful at the judgment-free part). But we genuinely let them know they could trust us and would always be part of us. Then I flashed...Read More
I’m not sure how many times I’ve said that to myself in the midst of a colossal failure, or even a small misstep. “I’m an idiot” “I suck” “I’m terrible at this” “I can’t do anything right” – Pick one, I’ve said it to myself. I acknowledge this and I’m working on being more consciously aware of my own self-talk. But when I sat next to my 9 year old as he said it, it struck a chord in me so deep that I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. I know I’m not the poster child for positive self-talk but I thought those demons were mine and mine alone to struggle with. I didn’t consider that my children may have the same torture. Now, many of you who actually know my son would say, “are you kidding me, that kid doesn’t have a low self esteem problem!” Right, he doesn’t have a self-esteem problem, maybe he does have a false confidence and bravado problem from time-to-time. But, this…this is different. We have voices (aka demons or gremlins) in our heads that only we can hear. Sometimes, the arrow on the meter with those voices can be very self-deprecating. It can be the person staring into a mirror thinking “OMG, I’m fat and pale and disgusting” or the kid at bat in a little league game thinking “you’ve...Read More
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